Can't resist
by loveMer
Summary: MerDer. Meredith and Derek meet at the bar, but things are different than in the show. This story is completely different! Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, well this is my first fanfic and I have no idea if I'm good at it….I actually can't even speak english very well, ok now you probably run to the hills…I'm not that bad. Anyways, hope you enjoy the story.**

**It's not post after any episode, mer is about to start her internship at Seattle Grace and it takes place the night before, the night we all know well, but it goes a little different this time, ellis works in the hospital as well as addison…**

Meredith looked throw the crowd of people. Attendings, residents, new interns like her and her mother and Richard, her mother was an attending, too, but for Meredith it was her mother, the legendary Ellis Grey, one of the best surgeons in this country, married to Merediths stepfather Richard Webber and horrible mother of Meredith Grey.

Meredith just turned around and walked to the door, because it was boring and nothing held her there, when her mother grabbed her shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going? This is a party for the new interns, you are one. You have to stay, if you don't want to be in memory of the woman that just went away", Ellis said harshly.

"Mom, there are about hundred people in there. It won't stand out if one of them leaves", Meredith said rather annoyed, knowing that her mother was overreacting.

"It's your choice, I'm not in the mood to fight with you now, do wathever you want.", a nerved Ellis gave up immediately.So Meredith turned to leave.

Derek sat in a corner of the bar, playing with the empty scotch glass in his hand when someone entered the bar. Every few minutes someone would enter the crowded bar and everytime he would look at who came in.

This time a small woman immediately cought his attention when she stepped in the bar. She had darkblond, flat hair that was perfect in line with her face. A sexy, black dress-he found it sexy- fit perfectly on her tiny body.

He heard her ordering tequila and watched her a while. She already had 5 shots and he wondered how such a tiny person could drink so much. Finally he decided to go to her.

"Is this seat taken?", he asked.

She looked at him. "Uhm, I guess not", she said not caring much about him.

He ordered a scotch and she anotcher shot of tequila.

"Tequila, hm? You're gonna be sorry in the morning.", he said cooly. "Do you often come here?"

"No, it's actually my first week in Seattle, I have a job here. Tomorrow's my first day", she said taking the shot. She just decided to talk with him, because she had nothing better to do, though she knew how this would probably end.

So they talked, but no for long.

Meredith woke up the next morning, feeling slighty dehydrated. So she got up. That was when she noticed she was lying naked in the bed with some guy. At first she didn't know who that guy was or where he came from, but bit by bit it the memorys of the last night were coming back.

Slowly, not wanting to wake him she got out of the bed and managed it to the door until he heard him mumbling something.

She carefully turned around to see him looking at her dozily.

"Uhm, hi, morning, but you have to go. I am already late and that's not good on my first day of work so, I'm gonna shower and when I come back you won't be here, ok?", she rambled a little.

Still dozy he got up, too. "Ok, yeah, I understand. I'm Derek by the way.."

"Meredith", she said.

"Meredith, nice name, so you live here?", he asked trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, I just need some new rommates. It was my mothers house. She moved somwhere else and…you know, we don't have to do this", she said blushing a little. He found it cute.

"What?", he asked irritated, clothing himself.

"The whole talking-after-sex-thing. It's kind of wierd, and yeah it was nice to meet you. Bye, Derek", she said knowing she was late.

"Bye, maybe we meet some other time", and with that he left.

"Finally", Meredith sighed and quickly stepped under the shower.


	2. Chapter 2

Indeed, Meredith was a little late when she arrived at her new working place, at Seattle Grace. She stepped quietly into the room were the Chief and the other new interns were while Richard explained everything to them.

Later, she was in the locker room, changing in her scrubs.

„Ok, all interns, that have Bailey as their resident, follow me", a doctor said.

Meredith, a woman with black hair, one with blond hair, an arogant loooking guy and a scared looking one followed him.

„Hey, you're Christina, right?", Meredith asked. And Christina just nodded.

„I'm Izzie", the blond said.

„George", the scared looking guy said. The other guy didn't say anything. Meredith decided Izzie and George were the nice ones.

They all stopped in front of a little, roundly woman. „I have five rules. You all have to know them…", she began. After she made a little tour with her interns she told them what they had to do.

Meredith was under the service of some Dr. Shepherd, so she asked a nurse who he was. The nurse pointed with her finger to a man with dark curls, that stood on the nursing desk with some red haired woman. Meredith panicked a little when she saw that the man was Derek.

Meredith knew there was no way to get ut of this. She slowly approached them, he and the woman were obviously fighting.

„You're never there, Derek. You are avoiding me everytime you see me and then we fight. It's like that for months now and…", the woman trailed off when she saw someone standing in front of them.

Derek looked at her like he had seen a ghost.

„Are you Dr. Shepherd?", she asked him blushing slihtly, what Derek noticed.

„I am", he said simply.

„Well, I'm under your service today."

„Wow, looks like my husband got something grat today.", she stated. „Have fun", she said to Derek before storming off. Derek sighed, looking at Meredith. She turned around to run, but he grabbed her wrist. „Meredith…", he began, not even having an idea of what to say now. _He has a wife. He has a wife and didn't tell me. I slept with him. He's my attending. Oh god._

„Meredith can we talk?", he asked her desperatly, dragging her in an on call room.

„I don't know about what we should talk. You have a wife", she snapped.

„I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Last night, I just needed a break, something else than my annoying wife"

„So sleeping with me helped you? Good for you!", she glared at him angrily.

When he didn't say anything more she opened the door and disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, so here's a new chapter. Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

„Hey, hey, what's wrong with you?", Christina asked a hurrying Meredith. She stopped and looked at the girl with dark curls.

„I'm avoiding Shepherd"

„You're attending? But you're under his service today. It won't work out well for you if you refuse to work with him", Christina reasoned.

„I'm sure he'll understand that", she said knowing Christina was right.

„Well, your problem. Come down in the basement at lunch if you want. We decided to eat there at our first day." Was Christina actually being nice? Meredith didn't want to think about it since she had other problems.

„Ok, see you then", she said and turned to find Derek. But instead of that she ran in her mother.

„Keep your eyes open, Meredith. Don't you have work to do? Where's your attending?", Ellis snapped.

„I was on my way to find him, okay?", Meredith said rather angry.

„I'll tell you something, Meredith. I already told you you wouldn't make the carrier as a surgeon, but now you're here and I hope you won't screw it up."

Meredith just walked away from her. She didn't need her judgingly mother now.

Meredith found Derek again at the nursing station, a chart in one hand.

„So, we decided to come back?", he said a little annoyed.

„Yeah..", she looked to the ground. „Where's the patient?"

„Room 4264", Derek said handing her the chart.

They headed to the room and Meredith presented the case.

„Fine", Derek said, „I need a CT to make sure he has a tumor"

Meredith went to her work and Derek headed to his office. On his way he saw someone coming.

„Addison", Derek sighed when he saw it was her, „What do you want?"

„Maybe…divorce?"

„What?"

"Come on, Derek. You're never there. You avoid me everytime you see me. And we didn't have sex in months"

"Well, maybe you're so getting on my nerves that I can't stand you anymore!", Derek said angry.

"I at least tried to save our marriage! I tried to talk to you or go out with you but you always pulled back. Sometimes we didn't even talk a whole day or so!"

"Like I said! You always wanted to talk to me or do something with me. I couldn't stand that any longer. Our marriage is over. Oh, and by the way. The intern from this morning, I slept with her! You're so disgusting that I needed that!"

"You're such an asshole!! Now it's really over. I'm gonna call my lawyer and in a few days we're not wife and husband anymore. Angry she walked away.

During the whole fight Meredith had been standing around a corner hearing to all what was said. _Maybe it's not really cheating if his marriage was over anyway_, she thought, but quickly tried to forget this thought. Chating was cheating. But he had said that he cheated with her. What when Meredith was under Addisons servce. She would kill her.

Derek sighed and looked after his soon ex-wife. That was when he noticed Meredith standing around a corner.

"How much…?", he began.

"Like everything?", Meredith said carefully, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at my attending. And I'm sorry about the divorce. But I never would have slept with you if I knew!"

"It's not your fault", he sighed. "Do you have the CT results?", he asked pointing to the papers in Merediths hand.

"Oh, yeah, he has a tumor"

"Good, book an OR for today. You're lucky. You scrub in", he said and left.

At lunch time Meredith made her way down to the basement with her food. She only found Christina.

"The others have to be here soon. So, what's the matter with Shepherd?", Christina asked when Meredith took the seat next to her on a gurney.

"It's nothing. We're fine", Meredith answered. She knew for sure Christina wasn't buying it.

"Oh, come come on. It's practically rubbed in your face."

"What?", Meredith asked panicked Christina had found out.

Christina rolled her eyes at her. "Tell me. I can feel it's something good…"

"Christina!", she hissed.

"Okay, you had sex with Shepherd. What's the problem? He's hot", Christina teased.

Meredith stared at her with big eyes. "You know? How do you know?"

"I dind't know…wait it's true? You slept with McDreamy?", Christina stared at her.

"Who?"

"Shepherd, Meredith. Did you know he was your attending?"

"No! We had sex last night. I didn't know he was my boss until this morning", Meredith quickly answered.

"Ohhh, now I get why you were running from him earlier", Christina looked at her amused.

"Shut up", Meredith shot her a deadly glare. „He's married", she blurted out. Christina almost spilled out the water she drank. „Really? You're srewed", she then said.

"Thanks, really, that helps", Meredith said .

"Oh, come on there a worse things tahn sleeping with an attending. Imagine the wife had found you two while you did the nasty nasty.", Christina joked, obviously amused by Merediths situation.

"I guess that's not necessary. Der…Dr. Shepherd told her and now they're getting divorced and the wife is probably going to kill me when I'm under her service some time"

"Seriously, just because for one little cheating? You don't know if there ar other reasons", Christina suddenly tried to cheer her up a little.

"And actually I know them. I heard the two of them fighting in the hallway. They said something about that the marriage already was over a long time ago."

"Well, then you can be sure they had gotten divorced anyway and…", she trailed of when Izzie and George came towards them. She gave Meredith a comforting smile before turning to the others. "Anything good in your cases?", she asked them.

"No!", they said at the same time. „Me too", she sighed.

"And you?", Izzie asked looking at Meredith.

"What? Uhm, I'm having surgery later today with Shepherd"

Christina looked at her surprised. "Well, if your're having se…", Meredith hit her arm hard causing her to shut it. Christina just smirked at her. Merediths pager went off.

"That's Shepherd, gotta go", she said walking away.

"Ready?", Derek asked her when they entered the OR.

"Yeah", Meredith said not looking at him.

He sighed. „A wonderful afternoon to save lives, hafe fun people", he said before beginning the surgery.

Everything went well and the patient was going to be okay.

"That was…wow", Meredith said later in the scrub room to Derek.

"Yeah, I still remember my first time in the OR. It felt amazing", he said thoughtfully.

Silence came over them. "So should we talk? I mean about us?", he said finally.

"Well, it was once and it's not going to hapen again, I guess. We can be professional, right?", she asked looking at him.

"We can", he nodded.

"But without the looks", Meredith added.

"Looks? What looks?", he asked confused.

"The looks you constantly give me. Like you've seen me naked."

He laughed. "Well maybe that's because I did see you naked."

"That's not professional, Dr. Shepherd", she laughed too.

"I know", he said coming dangerously close to her. She swallowed. There was that look, again. The McDreamy look from last night.

He crashed his lips onto hers. She quickly opened her mouth giving him entrace. Their tounges met and danced like crazy as the kiss became more passionate. She tasted so damn good that he wouldn't stop.

Finally they pulled away in the need for air. They looked into each others eyes, shocked but with desire. He wanted more and she wanted more, more kissing. This couldn't be happening.

**

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****Well, that was it, I know, probably too much talk and I'm horrible at writing, but…yeah, I like the end at least :) and the thing with Addison isn't completely over yet..**


	4. Insane

"Meredith!", Derek shouted after her, but she was already gone, heading out oft the srubroom.

This night, Derek laid in his bed in the trailer. He thought about Meredith. About how scared she must be now. What did he do? How came it that his marriage had turned out like this? And there was no way to save his marriage. It was over, finally, after 11 years, but he thought it was already over a long, long time ago. Divorce was the only way. At least he would be free then, free from Addison and could move on.

Maybe with someone else, he thought, named Meredith. And the more he thought about her, the more he realized that he had probably fallen in love with her.

So he laid there, like he was waiting for someone, but of course Addison wouldn't show up, they were over. And the truth was he didn't even want her to come. Why would he? He had nothing left or her.

He spotted the picture that was standing on the counter of the small kitchen-well, it wasn't really a kitchen, it was just some kind of a cooking place. On the picture were him and Addy. It was made on some of the few days they had gone to the Central park, very few days. Addison didn't like to go to the park and just be fastcinated from the nature. She would rather go in the center of the big city they had been living in for so many years, and go shopping, buy expensive Gucci or Prada costumes.

All that was so unlike him. He didn't know why he had acceded it every time instead of going to the park. He had rather gone to the park, and the few times he had been able to convince her they had taken pictures.

But they looked happy. He had his arms wrapped around her waist and his head laid on her shoulder. Her head was slightly turned in his direction so she could look at him. They looked at each other and seemed happy.

He wished there would be someone else in his arms at the picture. _Again_, named Meredith.

It was insane, he only knew her for what? A day and a night. And yet he felt himself already attracted to her. The amazing smell of her hair, that he had first inhaled when he had woken up in the middle of the night they had have sex and had stared at her for several minutes. It wasn't just that, it was also her perfect body, tiny but so sexy, and beautiful. Her soft lips he had tasted once more today in 

the scrubroom, her vulnerable, beautiful, gray green eyes. He could continue like that forever and list everything but it really would be too much.

It was _insane_.

--

Meredith came home late that night. An emergency in the pit had made her to stay long and she was exhausted. All she wanted to do was go into her bed and sleep. No thinking about the kiss, nothing, just sleeping.

But of course she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and Derek. "Meredith" he had shouted after her, but she had run away, anyway. What had she been supposed to do? Go back in there? She probably had made out with him again, of course. He was all McDreamy and nice and good looking and…perfect.

So, although she was extremely exhausted, she couldn't bring herself to sleep. She was going to be tired in the morning, though her shift started not until noon.

She sighed. And there were sighs until she finally got up from the bed to go to the kitchen to get some water or food or something.

She jumped when she saw there was light in the kitchen and someone was standing there.

"Oh, hi", Izzie said.

"You scared me", Meredith said back. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night.

"What are_ you_ doing here?"

"Can't sleep", Meredith said placing her face in her hands.

"Me neither, so I'm baking", Izzie said pointing around. Only now Meredith noticed the eggs and the milk standing there and everything else you could need for baking.

"Oh", she said sitting down on one of the chairs "Right"

"So what's the matter with you?"

"Huh?", Meredith asked confused.

"Why are you up in the middle of the night? Something's bothering you."

"Yeah", Meredith said, not knowing to wether to tell her or not.

"Spill", Izzie said a little to exited than necessary, while she began putting eyes in a bowl.

"I…you know Dr. Shepherd, the new neuro attending?" Why shouldn't she tell her, she thought.

"Yeah, I guess. What is with him", Izzie asked now looking at her.

"We had sex", Meredith mumbled, almost hoping Izzie didn't hear it.

"You what??" Izzie exclaimed, who had unfortunately heard it anyway.

"Had sex?" Meredith said defensive. "It's not my fault! We met before I knew he was my boss…and that he has a wife" She mumbled the last words, but like before, Izzie did hear it.

"He's married?" Izzie asked in only more disbelief.

"Yeah, well, but I didn't know that. We met in a bar and had a one night stand, before today, last night, actually. And oday I find out that he has a wife _and_ is my boss." She rambled.

"Seriously, and now? What's gonna happen? Does his wife know?"

"Yeah, he told her while they had a fight and I think things are not good between them anyway. They're getting divorced."

"Oh" Izzie seemed suddenly understandingly. "How do you know all that?"

"I overheard the fight" Meredith said looking down.

"I'm sorry, really, It's just, it's a lot"

"Like that wouldn't already be enough" Meredith muttered.

"What do you mean?"

Meredith hesitated. She wondered if Izzie would be mad for her amking out with their boss and maybe getting favors or something like that. "We kissed, again. Well, he kissed me, I didn't do anything" She said looking a little scared.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Of course. A kiss is a thing that does only one. Not two."

"Okay, okay." She had actually expected Izzie to get mad and not to harp on the fact that she kissed him, too.

"Well, good luck with the whole with, but you're not falling for him or so, are you?" Izzie looked at her.

Meredith looked away. Did she fall for him. No, that was insane, he just knew him for one day, and one night if you count the sex. But still, he had something that made him attractive to her, very.

"Mer, you there?" Izzie waved her hand in front of Meredith's face.

"What?", she said snapping out of her trance.

Izzie sighed. " I asked you if you were falling for him. Which probably would be insane, but…are you?"

"Uhm" She hesitated "I don't know" she said truthfully.

"Oh my god, you so are falling for him!"

"I'm not" Meredith shot back, blushing.

"Poor, poor Meredith. But hey, you can always eat my wonderful cake as comfort" Izzie offered mockingly.

"I hate you! I'm not falling for him. No. Freaking. Way. And your cake tastes horrible!"

"You didn't even tasted it", Izzie laughed.

"Whatever", Meredith grumbled "I have to go to bed"

And with that she disappiered, leaving an amused looking Izzie in the kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

The next week went smoothly. Meredith avoided talking to Derek, and it seemed to work.

But she woke up with a worrying feeling in her stomach. Like something bad was going to happen.

She showered and got ready. She drove to the hospital together with Izzie and George. During their ride every few minutes Izzie or George asked her if she was okay and everytime she said she'd be fine. She wouldn't open up until she met Christina. They had grown close friends during the week.

They entered the intern locker room where Christina was already changing.

"Hey" Meredith sighed sitting down.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Everything is fine…why would you think it isn't?"

"Well, you're sitting there like you did something you would get into jail for, for at least ten years" Christina said.

Meredith shot her a glare and began changing into her scrubs, too. "I have a weird feeling" She finally said"

"Weird like what" Christina asked.

"Like…" Just then Bailey came in. "Ok, people, assignments. Stevens, you're with Burke, as well as Karev. Yang, you're with Shepherd and Grey you're with Montgomery-Shepherd. Now go!" she said.

Meredith's heart bumped in her chest. With _Derek's wife? I am so screwed_, she thought.

The interns made their way to their attendings and Christina said to Meredith "Isn't that McDreamy's wife?" "It is, I am so screwed, she's probably going to kill me!" Meredith answered with fear.

"Don't worry, before that I will kill her" Christina said with a serious look on her face. Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks" she said.

"No problem, good luck" she said walking away.

OOOOOOOOO

There she was. Derek's wife, or ex-wife maybe. Meredith walked towards her, totally scared.

"Dr. Montgomery- Shepherd?" she said in a timid voice, "I am your intern for today"

Addison turned around, and she immediately looked angry when she saw who was standing there.

"You're the slutty intern who slept with my husband!" she exclaimed. Thankfully, there was noone else in the hallway.

"Well…" Meredith didn't know what to say. Addison gave her a disgusting look.

"Patient, room 4312" she said suddenly, throwing a chart in Meredith's direction and she barely caught it. She started to walk and Meredith followed her, still in shock.

After she presented the case Addison told her to prep her for surgery and that she would scrub in if she'd do it well. Of course, in her mind she hoped she would never see that intern again, but she couldn't not let her srub in without a reason.

Meredith stepped onto the elevator, only to see that there was the one person in it she fewest wanted to see. She crossed her arms and stood with her back to him, he was leaning against the wall.

"Should we talk?" he asked.

"About what? There's nothing to talk about" she said.

"You kissed me"

"No, you kissed me" she said still not turning around.

"You didn't complain, you kissed me back" he argued.

"I did" she said.

He sighed, moving from his spot, turning to face her, but she looked down.

"Meredith…" he began.

"I'm under your wife's service today" she said suddenly, she didn't know where that words had come from. "She called me the slutty intern that slept with her husband" Meredith said angrily.

"Look, I'm really sorry about that…" he sighed again. He and Addison were over, she had called her lawyer and had given him the divorce papers to sign yesterday.

"You don't have to, Derek" she said. And finally she looked up at him. Her eyes were sad and there were tears in it. She didn't know why she was so emotional about this. It hurt him to see her so said.

"Addison and I are getting divorced, Meredith. She gave me the papers yesterday" he gently said.

"And?" she said.

"Mer, I don't think we're just nothing. I mean, we kissed" he said "And I liked it, I actually loved it" he added.

"Me too" she whispered "But, no, no…this can't be…I, we can't do this" Meredith said when his lips came too close to hers and she took a step back her arms falling to her sides. She looked in his eyes, and immediately was lost in them, their blue. But after a few moments she shook her head and broke the eye contact.

The elevator dinged and Meredith moved to step out. "Meredith, please" Derek called after her. "I think I'm falling for you!"

Meredith cringed at his last words. _No, no, he can't that's not right, it's just wrong, he's an attending and I'm just an intern. And his ex-wife is working here, no, no, _she thought. But somehow she wanted it to be right.

Maybe she was falling for him, too. _Crap._

OOOOOOOOO

At lunch time, Meredith walked in the cafeteria to get something to eat. She spotted Christina on a table, so she went over to her and collapsed in a chair.

"Hey" she said.

"So how did it go?" Christina asked expectantly.

Meredith knew what she was referring at. "She called me a slutty intern and treated me like crap, but I scrubbed in on her surgery earlier. And that was after I met Derek in the elevator"

"Oh, don't tell me you made out with him again" Christina rolled her eyes.

"No, he told me he and Addison were getting divorced, and I don't know why he told me" Meredith said.

"That was all? Didn't he say something more?"

"Well…he said he would be falling for me" Christina looked at her like she was an idiot.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, come on, he tells you that he's falling for you and you wonder why he told you about the divorce" Meredith looked at her questioningly.

"Are you really that stupid? He's falling in love with you and probably wants to be with you, but he knows you wouldn't want to be with him as long as he's married"

"So you think he just said it, but it was not the truth?" Meredith questioned.

"I don't know, I didn't say that he lied. And I thought you heard him actually saying to Addison that they should get divorced. So, no, I don't think he lied."

"Hmmm" Meredith said, thinking about what Christina had said and about her thought that maybe she was falling in love with him, too. They quietly finished their lunch until Christina got paged and Meredith decided to go and find Addison. She told her to do some charts for the rest of the day until her shift would be over and that she should go out of her sight already. So she sat down in the basement alone doing her charts when a familiar masculine person appeared in front of her.

"Derek" Meredith said, looking up for a moment and then turning back to her charts. "What do you want?"

"Please, we need to talk. Where do we stand now? We're not together, we're not even friends but certainly we're not just co-workers" he sat down beside her.

"How did you know I was her?" Meredith asked.

"I looked for you until I found you." He answered "you're avoiding my question."

"You said you'd be falling for me. This…just can't be, I mean you just were married for…" she trailed off.

"Eleven years" he said timidly.

"Eleven years?!" she said shocked "See? You just were married for eleven years, and suddenly you're falling for someone else when you're not even divorced yet?" she asked in disbelief.

"My marriage was over a long time ago, you heard our fight. Addison said herself that it was over and that I had been absent, which I have to admit is right. We grew apart and well, now after a few years I'm falling in love again. Is that so impossible?"

"A few years?" Meredith gasped "You already started to not love her anymore a few _years_ ago? Great way to make me trust you. How can you live with a person you don't love anymore for years?"

"I don't…know. We both didn't want to see it I guess. Mostly Addison, she tried to fix things, but it just didn't work. But you're right. We should probably have gotten a divorce earlier. But I can't change that now" Derek said searching her eyes and she let him, their eyes locked for several moments until Meredith finally broke it and spoke up. "So?" she asked.

"So?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"What now?" she asked.

"Well, let's get out on a date" Derek said suddenly.

"What?"

"Let's get out on a date. Why not?"

"Derek, we can't. It's against the rules. You're an attending, I'm an intern." She reasoned.

"We can keep our personal life out of the hospital, of course" Derek reassured her.

"Yeah, like now" she said rolling her eyes.

He laughed. "This is an exception" he said "So, you want to go out with me?" he asked again.

"I don't know, people will start talking and gossiping, and I'll be the slutty intern again who slept with the hot neuro attending" she said very unsure.

"You think I'm hot?" he said playfully.

"Derek!" Meredith whined.

"Right, but, Meredith, they won't talk, I promise. I'll take care of it."

"Oh, and how?" She said raising her eyebrows.

He had no idea.

"We'll just be professional and nobody will notice it."

"And what about your wife?"

"We're getting divorced" he simply said.

"Fine" she sighed, unable to resist him "But I'm telling you, your wife is going to kill me when she finds out."

"Ex-wife, soon" he quickly said.

"Whatever, now let me work"

Derek let her alone and walked away, a big grin on his face.


	6. happy and worried

**Ok, another chapter. Probably horrible…don't ask yourself why I say this so often. I mean if you agree with me I don't fall so high, but if you don't agree with me and say this is good than I'm even more happy……so logical, huh? Ok, here's the chapter….if anybody reads….**

* * *

Derek hadn't seen Meredith anymore since yesterday when he had asked her to go out with him. And now he was looking for her, because he wanted to talk about the date and, well, maybe he just missed her…

Finally he found her yet again in the basement doing some paperwork.

"Hey" he said softly.

She looked up. "Hi"

"Are you always here from now on? I mean that would be good, so the next times when I look for you I know where to look."

She smiled slightly. "Just when I have paperwork, doing charts, or so"

"Okay anyways," he said sitting down beside her on a gurney "What about our date?" he smirked, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.

"What is with the date?"

"Well, I thought about tonight…dinner, somewhere. Or I could also cook for you. I'm an excellent cook."

"Get over yourself"

"It's true. Everybody loves what I cook"

"Fine" she sighed.

"Great, so I'm off at six"

"Me too"

"Ok, let's meet at the lobby then and I will take you to my place" he said and then breathing in her ear "You'll be surprised" sending goosebumps along Meredith's skin.

"Okay" she said, quickly pulling away.

"Okay, see you then" he said, jumping a little too optimistic from the gurney.

"Yeah"

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Meredith knew she shouldn't feel like that, but she couldn't help the small smile that appeared at her lips when she made her way to the locker room after her shift was over.

"Did you fall in a pot of happiness or why are you smiling like an idiot?" Christina asked annoyed at Meredith's attitude. Her smile faded.

"Can't I just smile sometimes?"

"No, not you. Barbie, yeah, but you, no" Christina replied. She had already given everybody a nickname. Izzie was Barbie, Alex Evil Spawn, George Bambi and Meredith, well she was just dark and twisty, like Christina. And of course Derek was McDreamy.

"What are you so happy about anyway?"

"Nothing!"

"Sure"

"You know what? You're annoying, only because you're not able to smile at least once in a week, doesn't mean I'm the same"

"Okay, OK, calm down, smile whenever you want to, I don't care" Christina snapped mockingly.

"Good" Meredith said grabbing her coat and leaving the locker. Christina just shook her head.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

She pressed the button and waited for the elevator to arrive. When it opened she saw a red head standing in there.

"Oh, Dr. Grey" Addison said looking annoyed angry.

"Hello" Meredith said timidly.

It was a little silence until Addison spoke again. "Congratulations, by the way. The divorce got finalized yesterday. It was quick, don't you think? And he signed right away, and so did I. So, you never need to feel guilty again when you're fucking ex-husband" she said with an exasperated voice.

"I'm not" Meredith said.

"What?"

"Sleeping with him. I wouldn't do that as long as he's married" _What are you saying Meredith? He is divorced! Oh God, I know what comes next._

"Well, feel free to do it now!" Addison snapped, but she also sounded hurt and maybe desperate… alone… _That was exactly what I thought comes._

The elevator dinged and Addison angrily stormed out. Meredith took a deep breath. _It's ok, he's not married anymore. But why didn't he tell me? Maybe he just forgot.- Bullshit, Mer!- No, he just forgot!_

She sighed and stepped out of the elevator when the doors opened. She saw Derek already waiting for her. He stood up when he saw her.

"Hey, ready to go?" he asked smiling. Meredith didn't say anything, she just stared at him, as if searching something.

"Meredith? You okay?" he asked worried.

"I…" she began "I…this isn't just….?" She trailed off.

"This isn't just what?" Derek asked touching her arms and she didn't pull away.

"This isn't just…sex, or something?"

"What? No, I am serious with this, I told you how I feel"

"But you got divorced yesterday and you didn't tell me, why? She asked looking at him vulnerable.

"How do you know?"

Her eyes widened."Oh, I.."

"You?"

"It's.., I just saw Addison" she said quickly.

"Oh, what did she say to you? Something bad? I'm sorry if she did" Derek said.

"No, yes. I just don't know, Derek. Maybe this is a mistake. I mean you are an attending, I'm an intern, eyerybody will talk and think…."

"Meredith" Derek cut her off "Didn't we discuss this before? They won't and we'll be professional at the hospital. Except for the fact you won't be able to resist me…"

"Not funny, Derek"

"Meredith, you need to stop worrying, everything will be fine."

For a while they just stood there, Derek looking at Meredith worried, and Meredith glancing down at her feet.

"Derek?" she finally said in a tiny voice.

"What is it?"

"I'm scared"

"Why?"

"Because I think I'm falling for you, too"

"And that's bad?" he asked.

"Yeah, no, I don't know, it's just against the rules and all…and you're wife, ex-wife will kill me eventually."

"You really don't have to worry about that" he said reassuringly.

"Ok, can we go now?"

"Of course" Derek said taking her hand and they both walked towards his car.

**

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**

I know, that was unusually for Meredith and Derek to have so soon already an actual conversation, but yeah….review anyway!


	7. Chapter 7

**If someone reads the crap, here it is**

* * *

Meredith was shifting in her seat.

The dinner had gone quite well, actually. They had talked about surgeries and a little about Derek's big family. And just the thought that she maybe had to meet them eventually almost scared her to death.

They were sitting in Derek's car again while he was driving her home and then would drive to the trailer.

Meredith shifted again.

"Mer, you ok?" he asked when he noticed.

"Yeah, I just…I'm fine" she said, shifting again.

"OK, what is it?"

"I just…really have to pee" she blushed, embarrassed.

"Oh" Derek chuckled a little "Well, we're almost there" he said pulling into the drive way.

"I just didn't go since like 5 o' clock, so well…"

"It's ok, just the natural human-"

"OK, shut up now!" she cut off a now laughing Derek. He stopped the car in front of her house and she jumped out of it immediately. He just shook his head and thought about how crazy she was, but in the most adorable way.

"I don't get a kiss?" he asked when Meredith had already opened the door while he was just approaching it.

She stopped in her tracks and turned around, slightly blushing again, though she was swinging a bit with her feet.

"So?"

"So?" she repeated him.

Derek took a step in her direction, his lips coming closer to hers. He softly pressed his lips against hers and was about to pull away when she opened her mouth and pressed her tongue against his lips asking him for entrance. Of course he didn't turn down her request and quickly opened his mouth, letting her tongue slip in. The kiss quickly became hotter and more passionate and Derek already felt himself getting hard.

"Oh god!" Meredith burst as they pulled away.

"What?" Derek asked her curious.

"Oh, you know, I just almost wet my pants and I think I'm actually going to soon." Their kiss had made her knees weak.

"Well, should I come in?" he asked.

"What?" Meredith said a little too shocked "I mean, you would actually…kind of...come in?"

"I guess that's what it means" he laughed softly.

"No sex" Meredith said seriously.

"Ok, no sex, I agree" he chuckled.

"I mean that seriously! Every other guy just came in to you know" she said quietly.

"Meredith" Derek said taking her hands "If you don't want to, I completely understand. And to be honest I share your opinion, of course. It's just our first date."

"Really?" she asked biting her lip.

"Really"

"OK, feel free to come in then" she smiled slightly stepping aside. "Izzie and George are working late tonight, I think"

"OK" he said. He took of his jacket and hung it on the wardrobe. "Didn't you need to go somewhere?" he asked.

"Oh, of course, yes" she said, she had almost forgotten about her bladder. "I'll be right back" she said "Make yourself comfortable" she quickly walked up the stairs.

After a few minutes she came down. She found Derek in sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Better now?" he asked.

"_Much_ better now. Uhm, you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine"

They fell into an awkward silence, Meredith standing there staring down on the floor, biting her lip. She could feel Derek's eyes on her. "Meredith" he said after a while.

Her had shot up and she looked at him, only for a few second before looking away again, feeling like an idiot. "I'm sorry, I just suck at this. I never did this before and it's all new and you probably must think I'm crazy and horrible right now. And I feel like an idiot, I don't mind if you want to go, at all. And I'm rambling now what gives you one more reason to hate me…" she trailed of still looking somewhere else but at him.

"Meredith…" Derek said softly. "Come here" he commanded still in a soft voice patting with his hand on the spot next to him on the couch.

Meredith hesitated. "I… why?"

"Just come here"

She hesitantly sat down next to him and then looked down again.

"Mer, please look at me" but she didn't. He lifted up her chin so she had to look at him.

"You are the most adorable, beautiful, wonderful, absolutely adorable, smartest person ever, ok? I don't hate you! How could I? You are so 'unhateable'. Why do you think like that?"

"Wow" was all she could say. "I just never had this before, Derek. Every other guy was just one night and they were using me…or I used them…they all wanted a one night stand anyway. So I gues I just thought that…you wanted that, too"

"Mer, I was serious about what I said earlier" she looked at him not knowing what he meant.

"I told you I was falling for you" he remembered her carefully "And by the way you said that to me, too"

"Right" she said "Uhm, so, what do we do now?"´

"It's getting late. I probably should go, I have to work early tomorrow. But I want to make sure you understand what this is about, not that it's about sex. It's not. Okay?" he asked.

"Okay" she smiled.

"Perfect, then when's our next date?" he smiled back.

**

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what's the word when someone refers to something and the listerner doesn't get what the one is talking about? :D


	8. AN

**OK, I think I will just delete this story since nobody seems to read it, I mean I've got not a single review, so if you don't want me to delete it then review, if you don't care and don't like this story and won't review I'll just delete it.**


	9. kisses and more

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! Thanks for showing me you read my story. So I guess I won't delete. :D**

* * *

The next day came, the next day went by.

She hadn't seen Derek all day. Normally he would 'harrass' her everytime he could. And that was when they were in the hospital. She had to admit she began to worry a little.

She suddenly didn't feel quite whole without him near her.

She entered the locker room and before she could see or do something she was pressed against the wall, hot lips crashing onto her's.

„Derek" she murmured against his lips when she realized it was him. He ran his hands trough her hair and thrust his tounge into her hot mouth, he ran it over her teeth and then began sucking on her lower lip causing her to moan into his mouth.

And then it stopped, as he pulled away.

Meredith touched her slightly swollen lips and stared at him rather in shock.

„What was that?" she asked him when she found her voice again.

„Sorry, I wanted to do that all day. But I was stuck in surgery, after surgery..."

„Oh"

„Yeah...Are you Ok?" he asked letting his eyes wander over her face as if looking for something. „I wasn't sure if you wanted it" he looked worried now.

„Uh, no! Actually that was the best part of my day so far" she smiled at him.

„I'm glad", he grinned, „So, you want to come over at my place, toninght? As in now?"

„What?" she chocked out.

„Yeah, you know last time didn't work when I told you I'd take you to my place. We went to that Italian place instead, remember? And since both of our shifts are over...right? He asked.

„Huh?" she said curious.

He laughed softly. _Absolutely adorable when she's confused._ „Your shift is over, right?" he enlightened her.

„Oh...well...I..." she stuttered.

„You don't have to. I mean I don't want to rush you. I just thought it would be nice."

„Oh, then yes, I suppose" she said.

„You don't have to, Mer" she loved it when he called her 'Mer'.

„No...I want to, yes, I want to...let's go!" she stumbled over her own words.

„You're still in your scrubs, Mer" he told her, laughing softly.

„Oh, right. I'll change then, I suppose." she said, noticing he was already dressed in street clothes.

She went to her locker and pulled out her clothes. She was about to pull her scrub shirt over her head when she noticed he was staring at her.

„Enjoing the show?" she asked sarcastically.

„I wasn't looking" he frowned.

„Sure, you weren't. Turn around"

„What?"

„Turn around" she repeated. „We're not that far" she added.

He gave a little dissapointed huff but turned around.

She just shook her haid, without being able not to smile. She pulled the scrub top over her head and followed with her other clothes. Then she put on her jeans and green coloured sweater. She put on her shoes, grabbed her coat and purse and turned her attention to Derek once more.

He was slightly bend towards her direction.

„You looked all the time, didn't you?" she frowned.

„Hmm, let me think...yes"

She shot him a glare. „I can't help it, you're so sexy in underwear." he laughed.

„Hmmm" Meredith growled almost like Marge Simpson.

He gave her an innocent look. „Ready to go?"

„Yeah" she said.

„Then let's go"

He helped her in her coat and took her hand in his as they made their way out of the locker room in the hallway.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

„Derek, where are we?" Meredith asked after a while walking through grass. She grasped Derek's hand tighter and he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

They walked a little more until Meredith saw something silver standing on the grass.

„What is this? Where are we?" she asked again.

„Shhh, I told you we were going to my place" he said, walking towards the silver thing dragging her along.

The closer they came the better Meredith could see that the silver thing was a trailer.

„You...you live in a trailer?", she asked stunned.

„Yes, I do", he said as she began to laugh softly.

„Go on, make fun of it"

„No, it's not that. It's just the last thing I expected. I mean you're the world reknowed Derek Shepherd and you live in a trailer", she giggled.

„You don't like it.", he stated, not asked.

„NO! I absolutely love it out here, it's beautiful, well from what I saw. I'm sure it's even more beautiful when the sun is shining", she said.

His face lit up. „If that's the case then why don't we go in" She nodded and they entered the trailer.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

„So, the trailer is nice. I like it" Meredith said shoving some spaghetties in her mouth Derek had made.

„It is, isn't it?" he smiled at her. He was so glad that she liked it, not many woman did. Meredith was just...perfect.

They finished their pasta during a comfortable conversaion.

Derek picked up the dishes and put them in the sink. He came back towards her to the bed where they had been sitting on. She was lying now.

„You're bed's really comfortable" she said.

„I know" he smiled and laid down beside her.

„So our second date" he smiled.

„Yeah, what do you do on your second date?" she asked him.

„I can think of a few things" he smirked.

„Derek, that's soon." she panicked slightly.

„But I already saw you in underwear" he pointed out.

She didn't say anything.

He took her hands in his and slowly came closer to her. Theys eyes locked and she immediately was lost in his deep blue eyes, just like he in her green ones. He leaned into slightly waiting for her.

She did the same, unable to resist until their lips met, soft, but passionate and already full of love. He intensified the kiss by thrusting his tounge into her mouth while sliding his hand under her sweater.

He was surprised when she pulled it over her head, her hair falling down her shoulders. She quickly ripped of his clothes with his help amd roamed her hands over his bare chest. He took off her bra and sucked on her nipples licking them. She already felt more than ready for him and her core was dripping and soaking her panties.

He turned his attention to her inner thighs and saw the wet spot forming on them. He took them off, throwing them somewhere in the room. He put his hand on her pussy and began teasing her clit, playing with it in an attempt to make her even more ready for him.

„Oh, Derek...please now", she begged him.

„Are you sure?", he breathed heavily.

„Yes, yes...fuck me already", she moaned.

She moaned in pleasure at his thick cock sliding inside of her. He began to thrust in and out of her and she quickly came, followed by Derek.

He collapsed beside her and they both tried to catch their breath.

„Wow...that was by far the best sex I've ever had" said Derek.

„Really?", she asked.

„Yeah...", he said absently causing her to laugh.

„I'm serious", he frowned.

„I know, it's just, I really have to agree with you. That was just...perfect", she said.

She felt herself getting sleepy as he wrapped his strong arms around her and her eyes dropped heavily. She tried to hold them open. „It's okay. Sleep. You need to rest", said Derek.

„Ok, night", she mumbled. She was not even thinking about where she were. She felt his arms around her and was comfortable so why would it matter?

„Night", Derek said, though he almost wanted to say 'I love you'.

He knew it. He had completely fallen in love with Meredith Grey. This would last forever.

**

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**

Soo, I tried, I repeat _tried _to make a sex scene, just a short one. Hope it was not too bad.

**Oh, and the last chapters were almost only MerDer and maybe fluffy, I just wanted some MerDer I guess. The next ones will be a little less fluffy (except for the next one), because I think it's a bit annoying eventually...but of course I'm all for MerDer happy at large.**

**Please review!**


	10. together

Meredith woke up slowly. She felt somewthing warm wrapped around her waist. Confused, she opened her eyes. She began to panick when she saw she was naked. She then realized she was lying next to Derek. They had had sex she remembered.

She looked at an alarm clock on his nightstand. 8: 23 she read.

She had the day off, but she didn't knew if Derek did, too. She decided to wake him in case plus she felt her bladder almost ready to explode.

„Derek", she nudged him carefully. He stirred slightly and only increased his hold on her, so she nudged him harder.

„Wake up, Derek", she said louder this time.

„What?", he groaned opening his eyes. „Oh, hey", he said also realizing where he was.

„Morning", she said.

„Morning" he replied. „What time's it?", he asked rolling over, rubbing his eyes.

„8:30" she said with one more look at the clock. „Do you have work today?", she asked.

„No, you?", he smiled.

„No", she smiled back.

„Good, then go back to sleep", he sighed pulling her close again.

„I have to get up", she said.

„Why?"

„I need to go to the bathroom"

„Fine, can we go back to sleep after then?"

„Sure", she said.

He loosened his hold on her. She pulled on her panties and her sweater and went into the bathroom.

She came out a few minutes later to find Derek sitting in the bed looking at her.

„You really have it with toilets during dates, don't you?", he chuckled.

„I do not!" she said offended. He just laughed. „Just...shut up", she snapped, hands on hips.

„You know I didn't mean it, come here again", he said.

Meredith huffed but made her way into the bed again where Derek put his arms around her.

„So this still counts to the date, huh?", she asked still in a pouting manner.

„Don't you think?"

„No...yes...don't know", she muttered.

He laughed. „So does that mean we're together?", he asked a hint of hope in his voice.

She jumped out of his arms and looked at him.

„What? You want us to be together?", she asked.

„Of course", he frowned at how she acted.

„As in boyfriend and girlfriend?", she asked again, disbelievingly.

„You could say that, yes", he said. „What's wrong?", he asked worried when she stared at him doubtfully.

„I just...that...Derek, you're the first one..."

„The first one...?", he asked.

„The first one that ever said that to me, that you want a relationship with me. I'm just...kind of...", she trailed of.

„Overwhelmed?", he finished.

„Yeah..."

„Mer, I don't know your past, but I can only tell you I am serious and that I don't understand that I'm the first one who asked such a beautiful woman to be his girlfriend" he said with complete honest making her blush.

„Th-thanks", she stuttered.

„Nothing to thank me for. So now come here", he extended his awaiting arms.

„Okay...so that means we're together now?", she asked sliding into his arms, unable to hide the smile on her face at this very thought.

„It does", he replied giving her a passionate kiss.

**Ok that was short. I just wanted them to finally be together...Oh, and I think the quotes will always be like that from now on, because my 'word' is like that because in my language (not english) is one quote so and the other so...well, hope you don't mind...**

**Please review...**


	11. I'm in this

**I am really sorry for not updating!**

_'Meet me for lunch in my office, Derek' _, Meredith read.

„What are you smiling about? It's disgusting" Christina said as Meredith put the card back into her locker.

„Nothing" she tried to surpress the smile.

„You got laid, didn't you?"

„What? Noo. No. No." Meredith said too quickly. „Not yesterday anyway..."

„Ah, so yesterday. Who is it, do I know him? You're not gay, are you?" Christina questioned.

„No, I'm not!", Meredith yelled.

„All right, so who was it. Another intern? Please don't tell me Alex..."

„Hey!" Alex snapped from his locker, then turned to Meredith. „Grey, who was it?"

„It's none of your business!", she snapped.

„Hey, I thought I was your person." christina countered.

„Yeah, I thought that, too" Meredith grumbled angrily. Grabbing her white coat and pager she added „But if you were you'd just drop it and wouldn't support Evil Spawn, or wathever" she snapped walking out the door.

„Ooh-hoo" Alex said.

„Did we do something wrong?" Christina asked cautiously.

Alex shrugged and walked out of the door, too.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

„Hrmmm" Meredith grumbled plopping down on the couch of Derek's office.

„Hello to you, too and thanks for knocking" Derek said sarcastically from his desk.

„Oh, shut up!" Meredith snapped crossing her arms and pouting.

„And what pissed you off?" he asked sitting down beside her.

„Nothing!" she said instantly.

Derek laughed. „Well, it doesn't seem so"

„It's not funny! I'm pissed off!" she continued to pout.

„I can't help it, you're cute when you pout" he said. She shot him a deadly glare. „No seriously, what's the matter?" he asked more serious.

Sighing, she put her hands down and looked at him. „It was just a crappy day! Everything is crappy! It's all crap! First Christina and Alex accuse me of having sex and piss me off, then this bastard of Burke who can't even teach lets me do charts half of the morning only to then send me to the worst patient _ever_ who makes fun of me and says annoying things non-stop! Seriously, this day hates me." she said through clenched teeth, gesturing with her hands wildly, breathing deeply now in an attempt to calm herself down.

„Seems like you had a pretty bad day"

„You could say that" she said sarcastically.

„Awww, sweetie" Derek cooed taking her in his arms.

„Don't call me that" Meredith huffed but thankfully welcomed his arms around her. She immediately melted in them and sighed. They stayed like that a few minutes until they heard Meredith's stomach growl.

„I think somebody's hungry" Derek laughed.

„Hmm, I think you're right" she said snuggling closer into his chest.

„You know, normally you get the food and then you eat it" Derek said.

„And?" she said through another growl.

„And we have to get something so we can eat." Derek reasoned.

„Right"

„Meredith...", he said in a slightly warning tone.

„Ok, Ok, I'm standing" she said unwillingly standing up. „But it was so comfortable there" she said pointing at his chest.

„I know, swee...oops, sorry. I know...honey? How do you like honey?" he teased.

„None of that!" she hissed making him laugh.

„You know you love it" he said knowingly.

„Hmm" she replied nastily giving him his answer.

„Come on let's go, darling" he said opening the door to let her out. „Darling...that's also a very good option" he chuckled.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

(Let's say...) A few days later...

They were lying in Derek's bed at the trailer after a round of very hot sex.

„Derek?", Meredith said after a while.

„Yeah?", he asked.

„Do you think I should...tell my friends about us?"

„You didn't yet?"

„No, I didn't know...I just thought, I mean we can never go to my house. Izzie and George are there and we can never do something with them together. Plus Christina was haunting me with her question 'Who got you laid?' the whole week and it's driving me crazy" Meredith said laying her head against his chest.

„It's up to you, Mer." he answered stroking her hair.

„Yeah, but what do you think?"

„I think it would be much easier if they knew. We wouldn't have to hide"

„You're probably right" Meredith mumbled.

„Well, then maybe we should tell the Chief, too. I mean if he finds out and thinks you get-" he was interrupted.

„What?" Meredith burst looking up from his chest. „No! No, we can't" she panicked. „You can't"

Derek frowned. „Why not?"

„Then my, my..." she trailed off. She hadn't told him about her mother and stepfather.

„What, Mer?"

„It's...It's because..."

„Because what?"

„He's my stepfather" she blurted shocking him.

„Really, he's your stepfather? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly.

„I don't know, I forgot and...wait, you're not mad at me?" she asked.

„Why would I be mad at you?"

„Because...don't you know who he is married to?" Meredith asked with fear in her voice.

„To...Ellis Grey if I think right"

„And?"

„And?" he repeated.

„She is my mother, Derek!" she almost yelled at his stupidity.

„Ok, calm down" he said in surrender, „Ellis Grey is your mother? I didn't know she had a child"

„Yeah, well it would be better that way" she muttered bitterly.

„Why is that?" Derek frowned.

„Never mind" she said, shaking her head.

„What, Mer?" he asked caressing her cheek.

„She just...it would really be better if she didn't have a child"

„How can you say that? You regret that you live?" Derek stared at her.

„No, she's...she's a horrible mother, Derek! Okay? She's horrible, never got me a present for my birthday, often forgot my birthday, didn't come to my graduation, was always at the hospital, always argued with me about not being focused enough on school, though I got only A's, never loved me, nerver cared about me, never..." she ended with a sob, tears beginning to make their way down her face at these memories.

„Oh, Mer. I'm so sorry. I didn't know" he said sitting up and taking her in his arms and she sobbed in his chest. „Shh, Mer, it's Ok, I'm sorry about your mother" She continued to sob and clung onto him until he had managed to calm her down.

„I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just stupid, I remembered and it was just really...hard", she said looking up at him with her tear streaked face.

„Mer, you're absolutely not stupid. You had a crappy childhhod, which I am so sorry for", he said positioning her on his lap, the blanket covering her.

„Yeah, you could say that. My father left when I was 5, and I didn't see him ever again. He just left. And my mother got...got only worse, treated me like...I'm sorry, I ramble."

It was so unlike her to say such things to anybody.

„It's Ok, Mer. Go on", he reassured her, looking her in the eyes.

She normally never talked about her life, especially not this part but he somehow just made her feel safe so she continued. „Well...my mother was never there for me.", she said bitterly, „She never talked about my father again. She never told me why he left. And I barely remember the time when he left or the time before that. The hospital was her life. And I was just the rest of her failed marriage, well, that's how I felt..." she said quietly tears flooding her eyes again, while Derek listened, „And eventually she met Richard, they fell in love and married when I was 12 or so, I think...Richard is a nice person, actually, he took care of me and I have a few very good memories with him, but my mother...she just remained the same. Cold, unlovingly, expectant. I was never enough for her. She...she was always rude to me. I saw her a few times with Richard and they were really...in love I think...if my mother is even able to love. But to me she was never that way.

And I always...asked myself why I am such a dissapointment for her. I did everything she wanted, I filled her exspectations and never...never was I good enough and I never...understood, I still don't...", she finished, tears running down her cheeks. Derek wiped them away with his palms.

„I'm so, so sorry, Mer" he said, giving her a comforting smile.

„Yeah, oh god...I didn't just tell you that all, did I?"

„Yes, you did"

„Wow, I never told anyone before"

„I'm glad you told me. I want to know these things about you"

„Well, my other life memories aren't that great either. No bright and shiny, actually almost never. Are you sure you want such a poisened person?"

„Poisened?", he had to chuckle a little.

„Yeah, I'm all dark and twisty"

„I don't care what you are. I like the way you are", he said.

„Good to know. So that was by the way the reason we can't tell the Chief", Meredith said coming back to their actual conversation.

„Hm, from what you told me he isn't that bad", Derek replied.

„No, but my mother is. If we tell him, she'll know, too. And I don't want to think about what she'll say then. I rather not hear it" she said swallowing a building lump in her throat that had appeared at the thought of her mother who would have one more reason to bark at her.

„I completely understand that, Mer, but what if he finds out? For example when we go to Joe's and the other's see us. Nurses are very gossipy" Derek said carefully.

„I don't know." she said burying her face in her hands „It's all so complicated! Why can't it just be normal, why can't...why?" she said desperately, her words muffled trough her hands

„Maybe we'll tell him and ask him not to tell your mother" he suggested while rubbing her back.

Her head shot up at this. „Do you really think he would do that?"

„I don't know. We have to risk it and find out"

„Fine."

„Really?"

„Yeah, don't you want to try? I'm in this", she said firmly, surprising herself.

„Of course I want to. I'm in this, too", he smiled.

**Please Review!**


	12. love approval

**Ok, Î'm so sorry for not updating but I'm really busy with school :( I just sort of wrote this chapter down quickly just to finally give an update you know. Sorry, but I hope you will enjoy it anyway. It's a very important chapter...I think, so read! ;)**

* * *

„Wait, Derek", Meredith said from behind him.

He turned around. „Mer, we have to do this. I know you're scared, but so am I. Let's just do this", he said squeezing her hand and giving her a supporting smile.

„Are you sure? I mean...what if he disapproaves?"

„He won't. Now come on" he said and began to walk towards the Chief's office dragging her behind him.

Before knocking on the door he turned to Meredith one last time. She looked at him with with fear and doubt and he gave her a supportive smile. „It'll be fine, trust me" he said, knocking on the door.

„Come in", they heard the Chief yell.

Derek carefully opened the door and stepped in. „Dr. Shepherd, what's going on?" Richard asked looking up from his paper work. He then saw Derek wasn't alone.

„Meredith? What happened?" he demanded.

„Nothing, she did nothing", Derek said quickly, „Actually, we both wanted to talk to you", he added as Meredith quietly closed the door behind her, never letting go of his hand. Richard noticed.

„Ok, sit down", he offered. They both sat down.

„Well...", Derek began, „We have a situation"

„What kind of situation?", the Chief asked, raising his eyebrows.

„We're together", Meredith blurted.

„What?", he asked, „You mean having a relationship? You know that's against the rules, Meredith", Richard said sternly.

When Meredith didn't say anything Derek spoke. „We know that Chief and we wouldn't be here if our relationship wouldn't be important to us."

„You want me to approve to this. I can't do that, Dr. Shepherd. You could favor her and think about what the others would say"

„I would never do that, Chief and we would talk to Bailey, but the others wouldn't notice because we will be professional at the hospital. We've been professional and nobody noticed yet, right?", Derek argued.

Richard sighed. „Meredith is my daughter, Shepherd so you better not break her heart", he said, but his look softened a bit while Meredith had to smile a little at this last statement.

„I would never do that, I love her", Derek said without thinking and without noticing making Meredith panic as she inaudibly gasped. Her heart began to race in her chest.

Richard looked surprised by the real sencerity in Derek's eyes. „Well then, fine. It's good that you came to me, but be professional and no favoring ta the hospital.

„There's one more thing", Meredith said, for now trying to forget about Derek's words.

„And that would be...?"

„My mother...I know she would never approve and so please don't tell her. I don't want to make our relationship even more like hell. Please, dad", she pleaded and watched his look softening. She did not oftten call him 'dad'.

„Alright, Meredith, but under one condition", Richard said.

„Anything", Meredith said relieved.

„You will tell you're mother eventually. You will have to some day anyway."

„Ok", she said, though she didn't want to agree. She would never have the guts to tell her mother.

„Thank you, Dr. Webber", Derek said and stood up. „I guess we're going back to work then"

„Alright", Richard said as they moved to the door. „Oh Meredith", he said and she turned around, „we will still have a talk later on"

Meredith nodded and quickly slipped out of the office, Derek behind her. The thoughts of Derek's words immediately flooded her mind again.

„That went well", Derek said cheerfully.

„Yeah"

„Are you ok?", he asked.

„Yeah", she said again as she continued walking.

„Meredith", Derek said as he stood himself in front of her, causing her to bump into him.

He held her by her shoulders to steady her and looked at her closely.

„What's wrong?"

„I'm fine", she said looking down. _Of course, everything is just perfect. My mother will hate me even more and a certain man said 'I love you', which can so not be true._

Tears began to filll her eyes. _Did he mean that? If he did, I think I'm feeling the same. But My mother, if I tell her I will loose Derek. I can't._

„Meredith, what is it?", Derek said now really concerned. Before a scene could develop, he manouvered her to the nearerst on-call room, including himself.

„I'm fine, Derek. We can go back to work now", she said her voice near the breaking point as she fought the tears. _I won't cry in front of him again! How pathetic am I?!_

„We won't leave this room until you tell me, Mer", he said. He had learned that you had to press and ask and ask and ask to get things out of his girlfriend. „Or until one of us gets paged, but that is not so possible since you're under my service anyway.", he joked, trying to lighten her mood.

Well, he failed miserably. Meredith's shoulders began to shake under her sobs that she couldn't stifle. She didn't found anything funny at the moment. She sat down on the bed with her head down, crying and shaking.

With one step he was by her side. Sitting down next to her he pulled her into his arms. She didn't resist while he whispered soothing words into her ear and rubbed her back.

„I...I don't...can't", she tried to say, half of her face hidden in his chest.

„Shhh", he said, „It's ok, calm down. Shhh"

After a few minutes her crying subsided and she wiped her tears. Derek had a huge spot on his srub shirt but noticed she had stopped crying. He dicided to wait for her to speak.

„I can't loose you, Derek", she finally admitted quietly.

„What do you mean, Mer? You won't", he replied slightly confused.

„Yes, I will", she said, looking up from his chest, „If I tell my mother..."

„Mer, she may dissaprove, but that doesn't mean you will loose me", he said carressing her flushed cheek.

„You don't understand. Once she knows she will make sure we break up. She will tell you things about me, how dumb it is to start a realtionship with someone like me", Meredith sniffed.

Derek wiped away a new tear. „I assure you, Mer. That won't happen"

„Which brings us right to the next point", Meredith said.

„And that would be?"

„You said you loved me", she whispered. „You never said that before"

„Well, now I did. I do love you, Mer"

„We've just known each other for like a month, Der", she said disbelievingly.

„Your point?"

„My point is you can't love someone just after a month, Derek!", she said raising her voice slightly.

„Well, obviously I just proofed the opposite"

„But...", she realized she had nothing to say.

„Come on, Mer. It is possible to love someone after a month and I won't leave you because of what your mother will say"

„But-." She was cut off by him kissing her.

„I love you, too"


	13. hot, steamy shower sex?

Meredith woke up the next morning feeling Derek's hands on her body.

She opened her eyes and he was grinning at her cocky while beginning to massage her breasts.

„Good Morning", he whispered.

„Derek", she said breathlessy, while trying to stifle a moan.

„Hm?"

„No sex...work...", she said, desperately wanting to give in to the sensations Derek's touch were giving her.

Instead of saying something he kissed her, hard and passionate.

„We have some time", he mumbled into her mouth, „and I've been horny ever since I woke up next to you", he added getting a few giggles from Meredith as his hand slid under her pants and closer and closer to her throbbing center.

Meredith moaned. „You're...pathetic", she muttered, closing her eyes, just as he was about to touch her clit, but instead he withdrew his fingers causing her eyes to shot open again.

„Derek", she whined. „What are you doing?"

„Who's the pathethic one now?", he teased as he went to kiss her.

„Haha, so not funny", Meredith muttered, feeling a bit pissed off that he had just abandoned her.

„Oh, baby, I will make it up to you", he said at a pouting Meredith, but she could her the amusement in his voice.

He began to suck on her nipples, taking of her shirt and in an instant she was moaning again. He pulled down her pants as well, so she was lying completely naked beside him, trembling in anticipation. He kissed her thighs, working his way up to her center. She moaned when he reached it and began to suck on her clit she could hardly stand it as her hips began to move into his face.

„Oh, Derek...Der...you are...oh my...", she said between her moans.

He thrust a finger inside of her while he tounge was still working elsewhere and she quickly reached her orgasm. He pulled away from her as she was regaining control of her breathing again.

„Thank you", she said.

He looked at her adoringly. „I love you, Mer. I'd do anything for you", he said sincerely and she felt tears flood her eyes because she knew he was honest.

„What's wrong? Did I hurt you?", he asked, as his look changed into one of concern.

„No, it's just...I love you, too", Meredith said, a few tears falling, „you're so sweet. I don't deserve you", she whispered the last part and turned away from him, embarrassed and pulled up the sheets to cover her. She was feeling like she was not enough for him.

„Mer, don't ever say that", he said, putting his arm around her and turning her around, but she just looked down.

„Mer, please look at me", he said and she looked up, revealing her sad, tear filled eyes and her damp cheeks.

„Mer, of course you deserve me. We deserve each other. Why would you think you don't?", he asked. He brushed her tears away with his hand.

„Because...", she let out a sob, „I-I'm not good enough", she said with another sob.

„What are you talking about? You think you're not good enough for me?", he asked, frowning.

She shook her head. „Oh, Mer. That's not true. Of course you are good enough for me", he said. He took her into his arms when she began to cry harder.

_She must have had a really crappy childhood to think such things,_ he thought. He seriously wanted to punch Ellis Grey in her face and after that make her realize what a fantastic, gorgeous daughter she had.

„Mer, baby. Shh, calm down", he said softly into her ear. She grabbed his shirt, clutching it out of pure desperation, unable to stop just yet. His scent was comforting her while she tried with all her energy to stop the sobs.

After a few minutes when the sobs had stopped he pulled away from her just slightly to let her know he just did it, so he could look at her.

„Mer", he began as their eyes locked, her's full of fear and sadness with a tiny bit of hope, and his full of love and concern for her, „You are good enough for me, you're more than good enough. I know your mother probably made you feel the exact opposite, but you're here now, Mer and we will work on that. You have to believe me, Mer.", he said softly.

„Ok", she said quietly. „I do...believe you"

He gave her his McDreamy smile and a soft kiss. „What do you say? Hot, steamy shower sex?", he asked with raised eyebrows.

Meredith giggled. „Hot, steamy shower sex?"

„You have never done that?", he asked surprised.

„You don't have to look so surprised. I didn't do it everywhere with everyone, ok?!", she suddenly snapped, hurt. He immediately regreted his words. He had not meant to make it sound like that.

„I didn't mean it like that, Mer and you know it", he said.

„Whatever. I'm not a whore", she muttered. He didn't hear her last statement, though.

He stroked her cheek. „Let's go shower, okay?"

„Uh-huh", Meredith said getting up and walking naked into the bathroom straight to the shower.

He was confused by her behavior. She knew he had not meant it like that, didn't she?

He walked into the bathroom and she was already in the shower so he stepped in it also.

She was just about to wash her hair with her shampoo.

„Let me do it for you", he suggested. He knew every woman liked it when he did that. He just had the right hands.

„No, thanks", she said shortly as she began to wash her hair.

„Ok", he said, still confused, but decided not to say anything more.

They both finished their showers in silence with no sex. Meredith was the first one to step out and put a towel around her when Derek came out as well.

„Mer", he began as she rubbled a towel through her hair, „if it's about what I said-"

„It's nothing", she snapped.

He sighed. „I'm sorry if you misunderstood me"

„I didn't", she said walking into her bedroom to put on some clothes. He followed her.

„Then why are you acting like this?", he demanded a bit more forcefully.

„I'm not acting like anything. Everything's fine. You're McDreamy, I'm a whore. Everything's fine", she said as she clasped her bra.

„What? Mer", he said disbelievingly.

„What?", she hissed, „You pratically called me a whore, Derek! So fine!"

„That's why you're so pissed off. Because you think I called you that? I never said such things. I was just surprised that you have never had shower sex!"

„Yeah, surprised because you think I do it everywhere!", she snapped.

„I don't think that, Mer!", he said his voice raising. „I just have had a lot of shower sex in the past and for me it is normal and god, that sounds stupid, so I was just surprised you didn't! Could you trust me please once?", he asked exasperated.

Meredith didn't reply. She had finished putting on her clothes and simply went out of the room, slamming the door hard behind her.

„Damn it!", Derek said. He shouldn't have said that.

So, so, so, as, as, as, as, as, as...kind of having a writer's block, but since I'm not a writer that's not even possible, haha soo funny, aren't I?

Well, don't know when I'm gonna update again on this story. I still have to update my two-shot story. Couldn't because I had an exchange student last week, actually till tuesday this week. And now I'm rambling to myself, I know. I can't help it, I've been even crazier and more hyper in the last 4 days (since the exchange student is gone!) than I am normaly...uahhhhhhhhh. I was so damn excited for the season premiere and now I am soooo so dissapointed, I really hoped for more than this. And especially more MerDer! I mean that was totally almost nothing! Not even a kiss! I wished for a kiss! And it's still all the same between them I think, expect that Derek will be living together with Mer from now on, but they still didn't really talk. Or maybe I think that because I didn't understand half of all what was said in the episode cause I'm neither a britain nor an american! I'm a freaking german and it's really hard to undertsand the American english sometimes, I know all of this doesn't bother you one bit but ugghhhhh I just had to write it out! Dancing it out doesn't work for me!!

What do you think about the season premiere?? (if you are still reading by now)

Review! Please!


	14. I do trust you

Meredith was drying her hair. She had come home about half an hour ago and she was exhausted, so she had taken a quick shower. It took a while to dry her long hair and it normally gave her time to think. Actually she had been thinking all day. About their stupid fight. It really was stupid to fight over shower sex when you thought about it, but she was still angry at him and hurt.

The problem was she missed him. She had not seen him all day and she missed him. And she didn't know what to do. Apologize? Staying angry? But she knew she hated fighting with him.

As she thought a figure appeared in the doorway. When she noticed him she turned off the blow- dryer and looked at him. „What do you want?", she found herself snapping. She did not mean to but she could not help it.

„I'm here to apologize, Mer. I'm sorry for what I said, and I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I really didn't mean to make it sound like I was calling you a whore, Mer."

She sighed. „I know that is...not what you meant", she finally said.

„But, why...?", he began but she cut him off.

„I do trust you, Derek", she admitted quietly not looking at him. „It's just hard for me to trust anybody and you, you have to understand that", she said fearfully he might leave.

„I do. I do understand, Mer"

„Okay...", she said hesitantly. „And...I'm sorry I caused such a fight. I started it and I'm sorry", she finally looked into his eyes.

„It's ok, Mer. It was my fault, too", He said walking over to her and pulling her into an embrace.

„I'm glad you came", she mumbled into his chest.

„You didn't think I would?", he asked softly, while rubbing her back.

„I wasn't sure", she admitted.

„I will always come, Mer. Even when we fight. I'll always be here", he reassured her.

He pulled away slightly and gave her a kiss. She immediately felt the familiar warmth shoot through her body. She had needed that kiss.

She tried but could not stifle a yawn.

„Tired?", he asked and she nodded.

„Let's go to bed", he said as he tried to pull away but Meredith didn't let go.

„Mer", he whispered. „What's wrong?"

„Nothing. I just missed you today", she sighed.

„Aww, I missed you, too. But we can hug again once we're in bed, ok?", he said, knowing that they were both tired and needed it.

„Mhmm"

„Mer"

„Mhmm" She wouldn't let go, so he scooped her up in his arms.

She yelped a little in surprise, but didn't say anything as he carried her to the bed and layed her down.

He changed into his pyjamas and climbed into the bed after her. Pulling her close to him they both fell into a peaceful sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Meredith woke up in the middle of the night, breathing heavily. She sat up and looked around her, realizing it had just been a dream. She fell back onto the bed in relief.

„Meredith?", Derek said beside her. It starteld her so much that she almost jumped out of bed.

„Mer, it's just me", he said turning on the light to see a panicked looking Meredith covered in sweat.

„Derek? I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to wake you up", she said.

„It's fine. I'm sorry I startled you. Are you alright?", he asked with concern as he looked her up ad down.

„I'm fine. Just...bad dream", she said, falling back onto the bed once more.

„What did you dream about?", he pressed.

„It's nothing. Nothing important anyway", she said, not wanting to talk about it.

He rubbed her arm softly. „Mer-"

„I gotta pee", Meredith interrupted him and jumped out of bed before he could say anything more.

His brow furrowed in concern.

She came back a few minutes later.

„Are you sure you're okay?", he asked when she layed down again.

„Positive", she said closing her eyes. Derek guessed she wouldn't open up to him and decided to give her some time.

„I love you", he said putting his arm around her.

„Love you, too", she mumbled going back to sleep.

**So, what did Mer dream about? I don't even know yet! Haha pretty stupid I must say but well, what do you think?**


	15. dissapointment

**I'm sorry, I haven't updated in awhile, but I'll make it up to those who are reading by posting a second chapter! This one:**

„Assignments: Yang Shepherd, Stevens Montgomery, Grey Grey, O' Malley Burke, Karev, you're with me", Bailey said.

_Oh, how fucking great_, was all Meredith could think.

She walked down the hallway until she found her mother.

„Dr. Grey, I'm under your service today", she said, trying to sound as casually as she could.

Ellis looked at her and then handed her a chart. „Room 3124. Mr. Miller. Prep him for surgery. You'll scrub in."

„Alright", Meredith replied and turned around quickly. _Could have been worse...so much worse..._, she thought in slight relief. She didn't even want to think about what would happen when she did one tiny thing wrong.

_You'll never make it. Dissapointment, dissapointment, dissapointment..._

She stepped into the elevtor and guess who was standing there?

„Hey", Derek said, happy to see her.

„Hey", she said quietly.

„You okay?"

She sighed. He would bother her all day so why not tell him?

„No...I'm not", she admitted.

„What's wrong?", he asked with great concern as he pressed the stop button.

„You don't have to stop the elevator", Meredith said, having to smile a little because he was worrying so much.

„Fine. What's wrong anyway?", he asked when he pressed the button once again.

„I'm under my mother's service today. I don't even want to think about everything that could happen", she groaned.

He put his arms around her comfortingly and she buried her head in his chest.

„It'll be fine, Mer. Don't worry. You're good at what you do", he comforted, assuming that she was worried about impressing her mother.

„Thanks", Meredith smiled weakly up at him. „But I know that by the end of the day my mother will be even more dissapointed in me", she said sadly.

„Oh, Mer. She is not and she won't be dissapointed in you. She knows you're good.", he reassured her.

„It's what she tells me everytime I see her, Derek...", Meredith cut in.

The elevator dinged and she pulled away from him. He felt bad for her. He wished he could comfort her some more.

„But thanks, anyway", Meredith smiled, exiting the elevator. „I feel better now"

„Love you", he said.

„Love you, too", she said as the doors closed.

Sighing, she walked to the patient's room. She prepped him for surgery and walked into the scrubroom as the patient was being wheeled into the operating room.

Her mother was scrubbing in beside her. They didn't say a word to each other and walked into the OR.

Halfway through the surgery, Meredith had already been bombarded with thousands of questions but gladly she knew all the answers.

„Dr. Grey, do you know how to do a running whip stich?", her mother asked, not taking her eyes off the patient. The whole room stared at her. Actually everyone had been anxious of what would happen between mother and daughter during the whole surgery.

„Y-Yes", she said.

„Then do it"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Meredith looked down at her hands while scrubbing out. Her mother had kicked her out of the OR.

Everything had gone well with the running whip stich and then she did a mistake, one little,tiny mistake.

And after claiming Meredith couldn't be in her OR without even knowing what to do after her mistake she had kicked her out.

So now she was scrubbing her hands furiously until they were red, angry, sad tears pooling her eyes.

She was sure the whole hospital knew by now: Ellis Grey kicked her own daughter out of surgery.

She dryed her hands and walked out of the scrubroom. She felt every eyes on her as she walked down the hallway. She could swear she heard them whispering about her being thrown out.

Meredith kept walking, quickly, as quickly as she could until she couldn't take it anymore and just ran. She ran towards the stairs, ignoring the Chief who called after her, telling her to not run in the hallway like this.

She bounced down the stairs until she reached the basement. Noone was there. She trew herself on a gurney and brought her knees up to her chest.

Burying her face in her hands she told herself not to cry, not to cry over her mother, over something so stupid _again._

But her mind wasn't listening.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Derek had just come out of surgery as well. A four year old girl and he had saved her life.

As he stood at the nurses station his thoughts drifted to Meredith. She still had to be in surgery.

As he thought he heard the nurses talking. „Yes, kicked her own daughter out of surgery. Who does that?", a nurse said.

Derek knew they had to talk about Meredith and instantly became concerned.

He went to look for her. He looked through all on call rooms, the locker room and finally wandered down the staircase. Whe he was at the bottom he thought he heard some muffled cries.

He pushed open the door to the basement and his eyes instantly fell on Meredith, sitting lonley and broken on a gurney, face buried in hands, crying her eyes out. He felt his heart breaking.

He walked towards her carefully, not wanting to startle her. „Meredith", he said softly.

She didn't jump, she just withdrew her hands from her face and revealed her tear streaked face.

„Oh, Mer"

He moved to sit beside her and pulled her into his arms. Meredith instinctively buried her face in his chest as she began to sob even harder.

„It's ok, baby. Let it out. It's ok, you're going to be okay", he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

He just held her. It was nothing more than she wanted him to do. She felt safe in his arms.

„My mother...kicked me out of surgery", she babbled suddenly, through her sobbing.

„I know, Mer. I know", he said soothingly, stroking her hair.

She had began to calm down a little but began to cry harder again by the second.

„Shhh, Mer. Is there something else? Did I do something?", he asked anxiously, wondering if he had done something to upset her more.

She just shook her head.

Derek knowing meant evryone knew. She had been right. Everyone knew. How great was that?

After a while her sobbing subsided and they sat in silence, Derek comforting her by just holding her. Her tears stopped as well and she lifted her head up to meet his eyes, which were full of love and concern for her.

„I'm a dissapointment", Meredith said quietly, tears still swimming in her eyes.

„You're not, Meredith. You're mother may think that but she's wrong", Derek said softly.

There was nothing but sincere in his eyes.

„No..she...she's right", she hiccuped and looked down at the floor, avoiding his gaze.

„She is not right.", Derek said sternly. „Meredith, look at me"

She looked up.

„You're not a dissapointment. You're extraordinary. I love you so much, Mer", he told her.

„I love you, too", Meredith mumbled, not believing him.

„Let me take you home", he said after a while.

„My shift's not over, Derek", she said.

„We'll ask the Chief, come on. I think you need some rest", he told her. He hopped off the gurney, effectively taking Meredith with him.

She stifled a yawn. „Fine", she mumbled. He was surprised she didn't complain much.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Chief had given them the rest of the day of. Derek had taken Meredith to the trailer since she had practically begged him not to drive them to her mother's house.

He was really worried about her. She just seemed so sad, really sad, and he really wished he could do something to make her feel better.

When they entered the trailer Meredith took of her shoes and coat and then walked over to the bed, crawling into it. She could already feel the tears stinging her eyes again.

_Dissapointment, dissapointment, dissapointment... _That seemed to be the only words that were in her head at the moment.

Derek took of his shoes and coat as well and walked over to her. She had her face buried in a pillow.

"Meredith, please say something", he pleaded, stroking her back softly.

Suddenly she jumped up and whipped around to face him. "What?", she spat angrily. "What is there to say? My mother hates me! That's it! End of fucking discussion!"

He was surprised and taken aback by her harsh words.

"Mer, I'm sorry, really, but-"

"What the heck are you sorry for? Are you my mother? Did you do this to me?", she snapped. She wanted him to stop apologizing. He had no idea what he was talking about. And she was just unexplainably angry about it.

"How many times do I have to tell you that there is nothing to talk about? How many times do I have to tell you I don't _want _to talk? You don't even know what you're talking about! You have no idea about my mother and I! And you don't get to apologize over some freaking thing you don't even did, let alone understand!", she yelled, before jumping up and storming out of the trailer, leaving a shocked Derek behind.

She needed air, she needed space, she needed some time to herself to calm down.

She ran up the land until she came to the place from where you could see the whole city. She sat down one metre away from the cliff. She breathed deeply to calm herself down, angry tears flooding her eyes. Just then she realized what she had done.

She had screamed at Derek, literally screamed. Oh god, what if he didn't forgive her? But on the other hand it was all his fault. If he wasn't so stupid, caring and not having any idea what he is talking about... Meredith ranted in her head.

But what if? What if he broke up with her. _No! Dammit, damn it all to hell!_, she thought. But he didn't understand her. Nobody did.

She began to cry. "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?", she whispered.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed heavily into them. _Why am I so fucked up? Why me?_

A cold breeze blew against her, making her shiver as she cried.

**Okay, well Mer really does cry a lot in this fic...I hope you don't mind...o_O Yeah, I know the dream thing is still unanswered...just wait a little till the next chapter :-)**

**Please Review, that would make me so happy!**


	16. Meredith loves Derek

I don't know why but this chapter will be in present tense and from Mer's POV. Enjoy!

I don't know how long I have been sitting here, but it's getting kind of cold and it's already dark. I'm still crying. Very bad to be exact and I don't know what to do. Should I just go back and apologize? I'm afraid he is mad and won't listen to me.

I draw my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, trying to protect myself from the cold, that by now is making me shiver and shake really bad. I should have at least grabbed my jacket.

And I am calmed down. Well, I'm not angry anymore, but incredibly upset in another way.

I can hear footsteps behind me.

„Meredith", Derek murmurs. I don't say anything and keep on crying quietly. I feel him sit down behind me and touch my back. „Meredith", he repeats. He doesn't seem mad. I guess he sees me shiver because he wraps his jacket around my shoulders. He tries to wrap his arms around me but my knees are still pulled up to my chest. I put them down so I am sort of kneeling and he wraps them around my stomach.

I think he is glad that I even let him do so.

„I'm sorry", he says quietly. Why? Why is he sorry-again, by the way? I'm the one who is supposed to be apologizing.

„_I'm_ sorry", I say. My voice is thick with tears as I interwine my ice cold fingers with his.

„Meredith? You are freezing. Let's go back to the trailer so you can warm up", Derek says and I can hear the concern in his voice.

I ignore him, though. „I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry for everything", I whimper.

He kisses the back of my head. „It's okay. I understand."

„No, you don't. I was just angry and...please...", I say tears rolling down my cheeks. „Please...", I try again before I begin to shake violently in his arms. Not only because of the cold, but because I am sobbing now.

„Shhh", he whispers in my ear and rubs my stomach softly. „Just let it out. It's okay"

„Please forgive me", I cry as I grasp his hands tightly.

„Oh, Mer. Of course. You are already forgiven", he whispers. I calm down and stop sobbing. We sit there for a few more minutes until my teeth start chattering.

„Meredith, come on. Let's go back to the trailer", Derek says softly.

I don't say anything but let him let go off my hands to help me stand up. My teeth are still chattering when we enter the trailer. Derek turns up the heat and tells me to lie down in the bed. It is already getting warmer but I'm still shivering under the covers. I close my eyes and try to relax. He wasn't mad and he forgave me. Everything's fine.

I feel him go into bed beside me before he wraps his arms around me. I stop shivering almost immediately.

I turn in his arms and our eyes lock. I smile at him softly, letting him know that I am really sorry. We share an understanding. He smiles back at me and scootes a little closer. Our lips are almost touching. He finally kisses me and I kiss him back. The kiss is filled with love and I feel warmth shoot through me. I love him so much.

„I love you", I whisper after he pulls back. And suddenly I want sex. But not just sex. I want to make love with him. I want to feel him. I kiss him again, deeply and slip my tounge through his lips. He slids his hand under my sweater. „I love you, too", he says breathlessy. We kiss again. I love kissing him. He tastes so good. I tug on his shirt in an attempt to pull it over his head.

„Are you sure?", he asks.

„I am", I say. I know he wants it, too. I can feel his growing erection. He takes off his shirt and jeans while I take of my clothes, so we're both in underwear. He kisses my stomach and moves up to my breasts. He unclasps my bra and then begins to massage them softly. I let out a soft moan and slip my hand under the waistband of his boxers stroking his balls. „God, Mer", he groans. I kiss him passionately, over and over again. He takes off my panties and starts stroking my clit lightly. I am already more than ready for him. He continues to stroke me until my breath is accelerating. „Please, Derek", I beg softly. „I need you"

He kisses me again before removing his boxers. We both moan when he enters me. He holds on for a few moments and I enjoy the complete imitation with him. I run my hands over his chest. I need to feel him...and to move. „Move, please", I say, digging my nails into his back. He starts thrusting in and out. He is slow, gentle, perfect. I need it like that. He always knows exactly what I need. It's not about sex this time. It's about feeling him, feeling each other. I don't doubt he feels that way, too.

I can feel him tightening inside of me. He is ready to come and I can feel my own orgasm building. He hand reaches between us to stroke my clit again and I'm moaning, we both are.

Just when he reaches his orgasm I am almost there. He thrusts a few more times until I orgasm. It is intense and I scream in release.

He smiles. I know he likes it when I scream. I'm just a screamer.

„That was amazing",he says, collapsing beside me.

„It sure was", I say. „I love you"

„I love you too, sweetheart", he says.

„I'm tired", I say, exhaustion finally finding it's way onto the surface.

„Let's sleep", he mumbled, pulling me close to him under the covers. He starts rubbing my bare stomach again. I sigh. „I love it when you do that", I admit sleepily.

„Rub your stomach?"

„Mhmm"

„Then I'll have to do it more often", he chuckles.

„Sleep now", I mumble.

„Ok, I love you", he says.

„I love you too", I say before I fall asleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I wake up drenched in sweat. My heart is beating wildly in my chest. I look over at Derek. He is starting to stir. Oh no..

„Meredith?", he says groggily. He opens his eyes wider and seems to be fully awake now. „Are you okay?", he asks, a worried frown on his forehead.

I breathe deeply to calm down.

„I'm fine", I say. „I mean I'm not, I'm-"

„Was it the dream again?", he interrupts, a look of realization crossing his face.

I sigh. „Yes, the same one" We know what we are talking about and I know he is not letting it go this time. I suddenly feel the urge to go to the toilet. „I have to go to the bathroom", I say, getting up.

He grabs my arm. „Meredith, don't do that. Don't run away again" He thinks that I'm lying. I'm not lying.

„I'm serious, Der. I really need to go", I say a little defensively, but I kind of understand him.

He looks at me suspiciously. „And if you could let go off my arm before I wet my pants that I'm not even wearing yet, that would be great", I say ironically. My bladder is getting impatient. He releases his hold on me and I hurry to pull my panties and sweater on before entering the small bathroom.

I use the toilet and wash my hands. I'm not sweating anymore. However I splash some cold water on my face before returning to Derek.

I must admit I'm a little hurt that he thought I was lying, but I decide to just try to let it go this time.

„So", he begins as I lie down again. „You want to talk about it?", he asks. He wants me to, definitely. I can see it in his eyes.

„You want me to, so", I hesitate. „I guess I will" I sigh.

His look softens as he watches me. He knows that this is not easy for me.

„The dream is about...my mother", I say and turn around to face him.

„Your mother?", he repeats softly.

„Yes and well...you know, it always starts...nice. I'm home in Boston with my mom and we, I think we are cooking. I'm helping her. And then the phone rings and I can see my mom getting angry and when she hangs up she starts screaming at me...", I look away from his face. „She tells me that she should never have had me, that I'm a dissapointment. That I'm the reason her life is so screwed up and...do I have to continue?", I ask as I feel my breath eluding me. I can feel the panic attack rising.

I think Derek notices this, besides the fact that it certainly is impossible not to notice. However, he pulls me up and wraps his arms around me. „Slow deep breaths, Mer. Shh, slow and deep", he says. „Just breathe" I breathe deeply and force myself to calm down.

„I'm okay", I say after a few minutes.

„You are", Derek says quietly, pushing hair out of my face while kissing me head.

„So, this is what haunts me", I say, attempting to joke.

„How many times did you have that dream?", he asks.

„A few times...", I mumble, playing with my hands. But I'm not lying! And I haven't had it since the time I had it with Derek in my bed a few nights ago.

„Meredith..." I can hear in his voice that he's not believing me. Now I'm really hurt.

„I'm not lying", I say flatly and wriggle myself out of his arms. I lie back down and he looks at me regrettfully. There. Now he knows I wasn't lying and that I'm hurt.

„I'm sorry, Mer. I'm just worried about you", he says softly, cupping my cheek.

„I know", I say. I really do know. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that he's doubting me.

„What time is it?", I ask. I just wonder because I have to be at the hospital at seven a.m.

„It almost three in the morning", Derek answers.

„Great, 2 and a half more hour sleep"

He chuckles. „We have to be in at the same time. The alarm clock will wake us"

„Okay, goodnight. Love you", I mumble, closing my eyes. We're both gonna be so exhausted tomorrow, or today. It is already tomorrow.

„Love you too"

I think we just said that for the thousandth time this day.

**I wanted to show you in this chapter how much Meredith loves Derek. I'm trying to improve my writing :) I posted three chapters on one day with this one...I hope you're satisfied (;**

**Reviews would make me incredibly happy!**


	17. mothers

**Warning: This chapter is rated M. I will also rate this story M. **

**Enjoy!  
**

Meredith had successfully managed to mostly avoid her mother in the last two months she had been together with Derek. Their relationship worked really good. Meredith had never been as happy as she was now in her entire life.

„Hey, Sweetie", Derek smiled when she entered his office.

„Hey", she smiled, walking around his desk to kiss him. „So?"

„So?"

„You paged me", she said.

„I did", he said, pulling her into his lap.

„Derek, did you page me just to have sex with me?", she asked when he kissed her cheek and moved down to her neck.

He looked up and smiled mischieviously at her. „Derek", she whined. „I have work to do. Bailey will kill me if she finds out I was here"

He laughed. „Don't worry. I just paged you for a few minutes to relax", he mumbled against her skin. „I've been working with your mother today"

„Oh", she said, turning her head to look at him. „How's it going?"

He shrugged. „She's cold but good at her job. I just needed a few minutes with her daughter", he smiled as he kissed her.

She smiled against his lips and deepened the kiss, which turned into a little make out session. They kissed until both of them were breathless. Their kisses were filled with love for each other and they didn't even hear the door open...

Someone cleared their throat and they jumped at the sound and pulled apart. They looked at the door and saw noone else but Ellis Grey standing there.

Meredith froze. Every cell in her body filled with nothing but fear as she stared at her mother. She was looking at them, just staring and she had a look of dissaproval and disgust on her face. One of Meredith's hands was holding Derek's and she clutched it so hard that it hurt him. He could feel that her body was tense. His was too but not as much.

Thirty long torturous seconds the three of them glared at each other. Finally Ellis shook her head and muttered „Unbelievable" before turning and walking away slamming the door behind her.

Meredith and Derek were left in the room. She was trembling against him, still sitting in his lap, still clutching his hand, still frozen in fear.

„Oh my god, Derek", she whispered after a few minutes. „Oh my god. She...oh my god", she said as she began to panic. She gripped him tightly as she shook.

„Shh, Mer don't freak out. It will all be okay", he said, rubbing her arm soothingly as he held her close.

„How? She knows. How can it be okay?", she stammered, turning her head to stare at him. Now everything she had been afraid of was coming true. Her mother would hate her even more. She would dissapprove. She would tell Derek how dumb he was and her how dumb she was. She would hurt him, too. Actually the fear of him leaving her because of her mother's words that she was worthless had faded over the time they had been together. But still Ellis would hate Meredith even more and she would still tell Derek things, probably. Things she hadn't told him yet about her childhood. Things she didn't want him to find out from her mother. She would tell him those things to make him realize it was stupid and wrong to be with her. And she would tell them from her perspective which was pretty much the exact opposite of Meredith's perspective and it was always one that made Meredith look bad.

Meredith's eyes were wide with fear as she stared at Deek and thought about those things.

„Meredith", Derek said gently. „Don't be afraid" He pressed a kiss to her lips in an attempt to calm her down and take away her fears. He knew what she was afraid of. She had told him, but never thought it would come to this. Plus her stepfather, Richard had been telling her to tell her mother a few times by now. He had been right. It was much worse when her mother found out instead of Meredith telling her.

She sighed when he pulled away. So she leaned in and kissed him again.

„Mer", Derek murmured between kisses which wouldn't end.

Finally he resisted and stopped her from kissing him again. She looked at him in shock. „It's not that I don't like it", he explained. „But maybe we should talk", he suggested.

„We already did that. There is nothing left to say", she said, looking down. „Kissing you makes me feel better", she said.

He lifted up her chin and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. He smiled at her knowingly. „I know it does. But it can't help you forget. You have to deal with it", he said.

„How?", she asked, looking at him through he green eyes helplessy.

„I think maybe we should talk to her. Explain things. Just so she knows everything", he suggested.

„But she won't approve, she won't ever do that. She will never talk to me again", Meredith said sadly.

„I can't change that. If she dissapproves then that is her problem. She's loosing a wonderful daughter and that is her loss", Derek said.

Meredith looked at him starngely. „But aren't you thinking about me? Maybe I don't want to loose her. Maybe I still see that tiny chance on the horizont that says my mother and I could have a relationship", she said sadly, playing with some hair in her finger. „Oh", she said suddenly.

„Hmm?", he asked softly.

„I guess that hope is crushed now", she realized as tears filled her eyes.

„Oh, Meredith. I'm so sorry", he said guiltily. Because of him she had lost that chance. If they weren't together...

„No", she said quickly. „No, don't be sorry. It's not your fault. You are the best things that has ever happened to me", she said sincerely. „It's my fault...or my mother's, but not yours", she said firmly.

„Okay, Mer", he nodded. „But I still think we should talk to her. I guess it's better than doing nothing", he said gently, rocking her back and forth.

„Yeah", she answered, realizing he was right.

Her thoughts were quickly back to her lost hope. Her head fell against his chest and she bit her lip to keep from crying.

„It's okay. You can cry. You just possibly lost a chance and therefor hope", he said.

„I just...she's my mother and...I just, I need a few minutes", she stumbled as the first tears escaped her eyes and dripped onto his scrubs.

„It's okay. I'll be right here holding you", he said. She nodded and they sat in silence, a whimper from her every now and then being the only sound that broke it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Beep beep.

The sound of a pager filled the room. Still holding Meredith who made no move to do anything he looked at his pager. „Mer", he murmured. „Somebody paged you. It wasn't my pager", he told her softly.

She looked up from his chest, tear streaks on her face. She acted like they weren't even there even if they still continued to run down her face and looked at her pager.

„Oh", she said. „Richard"

She moaned and reluctantly stood up. „You want to go to him now?", Derek asked surprised. „He's the chief", she said. „I guess I have to", she said, wiping the tears off her face and bracing herself.

„You sure?", Derek asked as he stood up. „I could come with you", he said concerned.

„No, it's fine. Really. I'll go alone", she said, moving towards the door. „I'll page you afterwards if you want"

„Yeah, that's a good idea", he said. He gave her a kiss and then she walked towards the door. „I can do this", she told herself the whole way to the chief's office.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

„Sit down, Meredith", the chief offered. She slowly sat down while she stared at her mother. She hadn't known she would be confronted wih her mother too. Meredith guessed she had told Richard to page her. After she walked out of here she would be a little heap of ashes and nothing more.

„What the hell are you thinking, Meredith? I raised you better than to sleep with attendings!", her mother yelled.

„Ellis", Richard said calmly.

„No, she deserves this. Really, why are you doing it? To get special treatment?", she continued to yell.

Meredith wished Derek was here. They had wanted to talk to Ellis together and now she was sitting here all alone in front of her mother and Richard.

„Mom, I'm not-", she started.

„Don't interrupt me! Do you even know what you're getting yourself into? This could cost you your carrier!"

„I already approved, Ellis", Richard cut in. Meredith was so thankful for that.

„How could you? She doesn't deserve it! How can you approve that she is getting special treatment?", Ellis snapped angrily.

„Ellis!", Richard said more forcefully. „She is not getting special treatment! Have you noticed he getting special treatment? Yes, she and Shepherd came to me a month ago and told me about their relationship. It was important for them because their relationship is important for them. They need each other. They apparently love each other so there is nothing here that could affect Meredith's or Shepherds carrier. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is there to dissapprove!", he yelled angrily at his wife. He hated how she was to Meredith. He should have done something from the beginning. He only really realized it just now, seeing how afraid and hurt Meredith looked. He knew that she felt like crap emotionly. He could still see the tearstreaks on her face. And he had never reallly cared why Ellis seemed to hate her daughter so much. She had been a lovely, smart kid. She had had her phases with the drinking and parties but tha probably only happened because of her mother's attitude towards her.

Ellis stared at him, anger boiling inside of her. He was supposed to support her. „You're unbelievable. You both are!", she snapped, before walking towards the door but stopping long enough to slap Meredith strongly and hard against the cheek. Meredith gasped and carressed her cheek in shock.

„Ellis!", Richard yelled. She didn't do anything, just walked out of the room.

His gaze fell to Mereith who was still sitting in the chair. One hand was on her cheek and her eyes were filled with shock and terror. She needed...She began gasping for her. She was freaking out.

„Meredith", Richard said alarmed. He walked over to her and put his hand on her back.

„Breathe", he said. „Breathe, Meri" he had not called her that in over ten years.

„Derek...I need...Derek", Meredith gasped.

Richard understood immediately and paged the neurosurgeon. He knew he would calm her down. Barely one minute later Derek came bursting into the room.

„Meredith!" He ran over to her. He didn't have eyes for the chief, just for his girl.

He scooped her up from the chair and walked over to the couch. He sat down with her on his lap.

„Breathe, Meredith. Slow deep breaths", he said calmly into her ear. „Just breathe. You can do it", he said. He started rubbing her stomach, something that had become to be calming for her. „Just breathe", he repeated as she started to calm down.

He took one of her hands and squeezed it. Meredith's breathing returned to normal and she leaned against him exhausted. She was getting sleepy. „Sleep, Mer. It's okay, sweetheart", he soothed. Slowly, her eyelids closed and Derek lifted her up gently and layed her down on the couch.

Making sure she was comfortable he turned to the chief for the first time. He had been watching the scene between him and his stepdaughter in amazement. It really confirmed that Derek loved her. In that moment he thought Meredith had found the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

„Thank you", Derek said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

„She was asking for you", Richard replied, looking at the now sleeping Meredith.

Derek sighed. „What happened in here?", he finally asked.

Richard told him everything, including the slap. „You know the rest", he ended.

Derek shook his head disbelievingly. He walked over to Meredith and brushed some hair out of her face, revealing the more than just faint bruise on her cheek. He gently touched it. He hadn't noticed it before. He had been too caught up in calming her down.

He silently cursed himself. He should have come with her. He turned to the chief again.

„Would you give us the rest of the day of?", he asked hopefully. Richard took a look at Meredith and nooded. „I'll take care of Bailey. You might as well tell her, too", he said.

„I think half of the hospital knows already. The nurses here are very gossipy", Derek said, cracking a small smile.

„They are", Richard agreed.

„But you're probably right. We'll have to tell her, too"

„Well, I guess I'll go then", Derek said, lifting up his girlfriend's sleeping form.

„Thank you, Dr. Webber. For everything", he said kindly.

„No problem. Meredith is worth it. Take care of her"

„I will", he said walking out of the office.

Nurses and doctors stared at him as he carried Meredith down the hall towards the locker rooms but he didn't really care. Once in the locker room, which was empty he carefully layed Meredith down on the bench between the lockers. He shook her gently.

„Wake up, Mer", he said.

She groaned and opened her eyes groggily.

„What's going on?", she mumbled.

„You need to change your clothes. Richard gave us the rest of the day off", he told her gently.

„Oh", she said sitting up. She remembered. „Oh" Her hand went up to her cheek.

„Does it hurt?", Derek asked concerned.

„Just stings a little. Did Richard tell you?", she asked.

He nodded. „I'm sorry, Meredith."

„It's not your fault. It'll be okay...I think", she trailed off.

„We're okay, Mer", he assured her. She nodded. He kissed her lips quickly.

She actually smiled a little before holding her arms up. Derek chuckled as he grabbed them hem of her shirt with both hands and pulled it over her head.

She stood up and opened her locker. She took out her jacket, sweater, pants and her purse. She put on the sweater and then took off her shoes so she could change her pants.

„Help me with the shoes?", she smiled hopefully at him as she bit her lip and plopped down on the bench.

He smiled before kneeling down in front of her and pulling her tennis shoes over her feet.

„Thanks", she mumbled when he was finished. He smiled. „You're welcome", he said and then helped her put her coat on.

She took her purse and slipped her hand in his. „I love you, Sweetie", Derek said, kissing her cheek quickly.

„I love you too", she smiled. Together they walked towards his car and got into it. They were both quiet the whole ride home.

Everytime Derek looked into her eyes he could read the sadness in them. Derek himself was in emotional pain, hating to see her like this.

He unlocked the door and they stepped into the house. They heard voices coming from the kitchen.

„Hey guys", Meredith greeted George and Izzie who were cooking dinner.

„Hey, Mer. Dr. Shepherd", Izzie said kindly. Meredith was glad she had talked to her friends and they all had been very accepting. „Me and George are just making dinner. Well, I am. You can eat with us if you want"

„Hey, I'm peeling here", George said offended from his place on the kitchen counter where he was peeling potatos.

„Whatever", Izzie rolled her eyes and looked at Meredith who nodded. „Yeah, thanks, Iz", she said.

„Great, it will be ready in half an hour I'd say."

„We could help", she said, pointig between her and Derek.

Before Izzie could answer Derek cut in. „Mer, I don't think she wants you to burn down the kitchen", he chuckled and Izzie laughed while George grinned.

„Not funny", Meredith pouted.

„Sorry to say this but you suck at cocking", Izzie said while George nodded.

„I can learn it", Meredith said defensively.

„Uh, no I don't think you can", George pointed out.

„Fine", Mer said annoyed. „Call me when your masterpiece is ready." With that she walked out of the room.

„What was that?", Izzie asked.

Derek shrugged. „I better go after her", he said and left the room as well.

He went upstairs and found Meredith in bed, laying on her stomach. Her hair was falling around her face so he couldn't see her face.

„Mer?", he asked quietly. To his surprise she turned her head and looked at him.

„Yes?", she asked.

„Are you okay?" He layed down beside her and rubbed her back.

„I don't know", she frowned.

„I'm sorry if we offended you. We didn't mean to", he said, speaking for her roomates as well.

„What? God, no. I know I suck at cooking. That's no wonder. Nobody teached me and nobody does now so..."

„I'll teach you", he smiled softly.

„You will?"

„Of course" He kissed her and pulled her close to him.

They stayed like that until Izzie called them for dinner.

„This looks good", Derek said looking down at his plate when they started eating.

„Thanks, so how's it going between you two?", Izzie asked.

Meredith shot Derek a warning glance to not tell them about he mother.

„Good. We're doing good", Derek smiled.

„That's great", George said.

„George, what about all those boxes in the hall upstairs?", Izzie asked suddenly.

„Why are you bringing that up now?"

„Because I remembered them just now."

„Well, they're Callies-"

„What? Is she moving in here? Meredith what do you have to say to that?", Izzie asked staring at her.

„Oh, uhm..."

„She's not moving in", George said heatedly. „She's moving but not here. So she's just stocking them here for a while"

„Why? I bump against them everytime", Izzie whined. They began to argue about the boxes.

Meredith and Derek looked at each other with raised eybrows before continuing to eat. They were still arguing when Meredith felt Derek's hand running up her leg.

„What are you doing?", she hissed.

He grinned. „Nothing", he said as he opened the zipper of her jeans. She could feel the heat in her body rise as he slid his hand between her legs.

„Derek", she hissed again.

„Are you okay, Meredith?", Izzie asked. She and George had just stopped arguing.

„I'm...I'm fine", she said, trying to continue to eat as Derek's hand slid under her black slip. She gasped a little when his fingers carressed her center, slipping between her folds. She was throbbing. And George and Izzie sat opposite to her on the table. She briefly looked at Derek who seemed to casually eat his food while his hand was doing things to her. Magical things. Just at the wrong time. _He thinks this is funny_, Meredith thought, seeing the grin on his face.

She couldn't do anything since any weird movement meant getting caught by her roomates.

Derek's fingers found her clit and he rubbed it. Meredith bit her lip to keep from moaning. He wasn't stopping. He rubbed until she felt dizzy, almost unable to keep herself from moaning. It felt so good. The pleasure he was giving her. Her body began to tense and she shook every now and then when he sightly changed his movements.

She was going to get crazy. Her toes curled and she buried her face in her hands.

„Meredith, are you okay?", Izzie asked again. She just nodded into her hands. Izzie frowned and continued to eat.

Derek could feel Meredith was close. She was panting into her hands. Her arms fell onto the table and she buried her head in them. She couldn't take it anymore and moaned into her arms, the sound only slightly muffled.

„Mer, what the heck are you doing?", George asked when she accidentally kicked his leg under the table.

„Sorry", she said into her arms. It came out as a scream. She was almost there while Derek rubbed and massaged her clit. She tensed even more and thought she might wet her pants when she released because of the effort to keep it together.

George frowned deeply and bent down slightly to look under the table.

„Meredith! Shepherd!", he yelled in shock.

Derek looked up and looked innocently at him.

„Oh my god. That's...that...gross", George stammered in disgust.

„What?", Izzie asked. She looked under the table as well and came up shocked. She stood up. „Okay, that is the most embarrassing, disgusting, mortifying thing you two could ever do!", she yelled in shock. George and her both looked at Meredith and Derek. He was laughing. He wasn't so mortified. He was their boss anyway. It was too funny to see the look on their faces.

Meredith on the other hand didn't even have time to be embarrassed. She was. She was completely mortified but at this point she was too distracted. Her orgasm washed over her and she screamed into her arms.

„I'm going", George said, practically running out of the room, Izzie following him. „I think my eyes are burning", Meredith heared George say.

She looked up from her arms, panting heavily. „Derek.."

„Want to thank me for the mind blowing orgasm?", he smirked.

„No!", she yelled when she had caught her breath. „Are you stupid? Are you brainless? You just fucked me in front of my friends! That was rude and completely mortifying! Not only for me but for them too! What the hell were you thinking?", She yelled in anger as she buttoned her jeans.

„Mer, calm down. I was just having fun."

„Having fun? Did you realize what you just did? They must think I'm a whore now! You...ugh! You're an ass, Derek Shepherd! An ass!", she yelled and turned to stomp out of the room.

„Meredith!", Derek yelled after her but she didn't turn around.

He thought she would have fun too. He didn't realize it would be so mortifying for her. Her friends would calm down. And in a few weeks they would laugh about it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Meredith knocked on Izzie's bedroom door and opened it slowly. Izzie and George were sitting on the bed. They looked at her.

„Look, I'm sorry for what just happened", she said, wringing her hands.

They stared at her. „What was it good for? To demonstrate us that you are getting mind blowing sex with McDreamy?", Izzie asked angrily.

„No! I didn't have anything to do with it. Derek just started and I couldn't stop him! Please,I don't want it to be awkward between us", Meredith rambled looking down.

Suddenly George laughed. „Well, that certainly was..", he trailed off.

„We're good, Mer", Izzie smiled. „But please don't do it again", she said, scrunching up her nose.

„I assure you. I won't let him", Meredith said before walking out of the room into the hallway. She took a deep breath.

„Oh god", she mumbled. He realized she may have been a bit harsh on Derek. She walked downstairs into the kitchen and saw him washing the dishes.

„Derek, I'm sorry", she said.

He turned around. „What?"

„I overreacted", she said looking down.

„Hmm, you did a little", he said. „But that's okay, Mer. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. It was mortifying for you and I'm sorry for that", he said sincerely.

„Apology accepted", she smiled as she walked over to him and hugged him. He kissed the top of her head. „Love you", he mumbled against her hair.

„You too", she said barely audible. Her eyelids were getting heavy and she closed her eyes, falling against him. „Let's go to bed", he said. „We can finish the dishes tomorrow."

„Okay", she nodded.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Derek kissed Meredith passionately as soon as they had layed down in the bed.

„Mhhmm, Der", she said against his lips. He pulled back and slid his hands under her shirt.

„Derek, I'm tired", she protested. He cupped one of her breasts and pinched her nipple.

„Still tired?", he asked when she moaned. „Yes", she replied and shoved his hands away.

„Fine", he said pulling back.

„I'm sorry but just...not now", Meredith tried to explain.

„It is okay, Mer", he said giving her a tender kiss. „Let's sleep"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

„Meredith, hurry up! We're going to be late!", Derek yelled up the stairs. Meredith as it seemed was a little tardy this morning.

Derek thought about the letter he had recieved from his mom. She was coming. In four days. On Saturday. He had to tell Meredith in these four days. He didn't know how to tell er. Surely she would freak out.

„Sorry", Meredith said as she came down the stairs. „Ready to go?", she asked.

„Derek?", she asked when he didn't answer.

„What? Oh yeah, I'm ready."

„You okay?"

„I have something to tell you", he said.

„Oh, what is it?", she asked as they walked towards his car.

„Now is not really a good time. I'll tell you later, ok?", he said nervously as he began driving.

„Oh, okay", Meredith said, suddenly sounding worried.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

„Hey", Meredith said, plopping down beside him on a table in the cafeteria.

„Oh hey", he asked, giving her a quick kiss.

„How's your day?", she asked, her mouth full of food.

„Don't chew with your mouth open, Meredith", Derek said disgustedly.

„Sorry", she said defeatedly, looking at him cautiously. He wouldn't even look at her.

„What is wrong with you? What is it that you wanted to tell me?", she asked.

„I'm not telling you here", he avoided.

„Derek, noone will hear you", Meredith said. She was really worried now. Was he breaking up with her?

„I'll tell you when we get home, Meredith!", he snapped annoyed. Couldn't she just drop it?

„Okay", she said in a small voice and quickly began eating again. Tears welled up in her eyes but she blinked them away.

„I gotta go", she said when she finished eating. She stood up and for the first time Derek really looked at her. He saw the hurt and confusion in her eyes. He realized he had been too harsh.

„Mer-", he began but she cut him off. „Save it."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

„Heart surgery is the best", Christina said, leaning beside Meredith against the counter of the nurses station.

„Maybe for you", Meredith mumbled, still scribbling in a chart.

„Trouble in paradise?"

„No", she said, running a hand through her hair before it landed on her stomach.

„You okay?", her person asked, briefly glancing at her.

„I've been feeling a little sick for a few hours now", Meredith said. „I don't know. I think I have the flu", she added.

„Get away from me then", Cristina said. She backed away from Meredith.

„I'll be fine", Meredith said rolling her eyes.

„And I don't want to get sick", Christina said as her pager beeped. „That's Burke. Gotta go.", she said and was off.

Meredith shook her head and went back to writing in the chart, rubbing her stomach in an attempt to ease the nausea.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When her shift finished at six Meredith was feeling only worse. She was still nauseous and she had this pounding headache that would not go away. Her throat hurt too.

She sighed when she changed in the locker room and realized she was meeting Derek in the lobby.

She started feeling dizzy as she walked towards the elevator. She hadn't seen Derek since lunch and when she walked towards the lobby she saw he was not there. Maybe he was just late. He always came. She didn't have a way home without him.

She sat down on a stool exhaustedly and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

„Meredith!", a voice said. She recognized it very well.

„Oh god", she said when she opened her eyes and looked into her mother's face. Immediately the memories of her mom yelling after finding out about her and Derek yesterday flooded her mind again.

„What are you doing?", Ellis asked her. To Meredith's surprise she didn't sound too annoyed or angry.

„I'm waiting for Derek", she mumbled as she clutched her stomach again as a wave of nausea hit her. She hadn't thrown up yet but she was sure she was going to eventually.

„Oh", her mother said. She was also dressed in street clothes and looked ready to go home. „Well, I am waiting for Richard", she said and to Meredith's horror sat down next to her.

„You don't look so good. Are you alright?", her mother asked noticing how pale she looked and how she was clutching her stomach.

Meredith was shocked at her mother's kindness. „I think Ihave the flu", she said. „I feel sick to my stomach and I have a headache."

„You should be in bed", Ellis said, but didn't look at her.

„What?", Meredith asked in disbelief. „Mom, why are you so nice to me?", she asked bluntly.

„Maybe because I care about my daughter", Ellis snapped but then took a deep breath to calm down.

Her daughter stared at her. "Didn't seem like it yesterday", she commented dryly.

„Fine, I realized I'm a bit harsh to you. So maybe we could try to have a normal relationship", Ellis said shortly, looking at Meredith.

„Are you kidding me?", Meredith asked as she looked into Ellis' eyes. Did she really see a bit sorrow there?

„Meredith..."

„No, mom! You've treated me like shit my whole life and now you want to have a relationship with me?"

„A person can realize their mistakes", Ellis said quietly.

„But you? You are? That sounds so ridiculous I almost want to laugh at you!", Meredith said.

„Just think about it, Meredith. You are my daughter and I love you", Ellis said firmly.

Meredith blinked. Had she really just said that? „You have one hell of a way showing it", she grumbled.

„Oh please, Meredith. I am apologizing here. Am I famous for apologizing? I realized my mistakes!", Ellis said. „Sometimes people make the wrong decisions. If you're happy woth him...", she said.

„You..", Meredith stopped when she felt a big wave of nausea hit her. „Shit!", she said before she couldn't hold it anymore and vomited all over the floor. She felt her mother hold her hair back.

_Oh god, what just happened in my life?_, she thought.

When she stopped vomiting she heavily leaned back in her seat. „Oh god", she mumbled. Her mother handed her a tissue. Did Meredith saw some compassion in her eyes?

She tried to recover for a few minutes until her mother asked „Are you better?"

„Yeah. And I'll...think about it", she said hesitantly. Ellis nodded and understood.

Richard walked towards them. Derek was right beside him.

„Meredith!", he exclaimed when he saw how ill she looked and quickly walked towards her. „What happened?", he asked, surprised to see Ellis sitting beside his girlfriend.

„I threw up and watch out or you'll walk right into it on the floor", Meredith said.

„Well, we should go", Ellis said, standing up and walking towards her husband.

„I wish you well, Meredith", she said. „Bye", Richard said and they were off.

„What the hell was that? Was your mother nice to you?", Derek asked frantically.

„I'll tell you if you tell me what's going on with you", Meredith said as she refused to kiss him as he leaned in.

„Mer, I'm sorry I snapped. I was just stressed", he said, sitting down where her mother had been sitting.

Meredith sighed. „Derek what's going on?", she asked.

„Mer, let's get you home first. You look really pale. Are you still feeling sick?", he asked concerned.

„Yes, but that's not the point. Stop avoiding. I want to know right now", Meredith said impatiently, clutching her head.

„Mer-"

„I'll be fine. Now tell me!", Meredith demanded annoyed.

„Ok. Ok", he said in surrender.

„You know...I got a letter yesterday", he started.

„And?"

„And my mom is coming on Saturday...", he said, waiting for her to get angry.

„Oh", was all she could bring out.

„Oh?", Derek asked.

„Well, I guess I will have to live with it?", she more questioned than stated.

„It will be okay. My mom's nice", Derek said.

„Okay then can you take me home? I feel sick", Meredith moaned.

„Of course" He helped her up and put his arm around her waist to support her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

„Oh god, I feel so freaking sick", Meredith mumbled.

„I know, baby. It will get better", Derek said as he pulled the covers over her and tucked her in. „Just try to sleep, okay?"

She nodded and closed her eyes. „Get me a bucket", she added weakly.

He noded and walked out of the room. He came back a few minutes later. Meredith was still awake. She was shivering under the covers. „Oh Mer", he said. He sat down on the bed holding the bucket in case she had to throw up.

Suddenly she pulled the covers away and grabbed the bucket. Derek held back her hair as he watched her heaving. He felt bad for her. He hated it when she was sick.

When she was finished she simply shoved the bucket away from her and layed back down. She closed her eyes, willing it to stop.

Eventually she fell into fitful sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A few hours later Meredith woke up to see Derek sitting beside her on the bed.

„Hey", she said quietly.

„Hey, how are you feeling?", he asked as he felt her forehead.

„Better"

„Still nauseous?"

„Not really", she said. „Aren't you going to bed?", she frowned when she saw he was still in his normal clothes.

„Yeah, I don't know. I guess I will change. Do you want to change?"

„No, I don't care", she said, knowing she was still in her street clothes as well.

„Alright. I'll be right back", he told and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He returned a few minutes later, changed his clothes and slid into bed and under the covers.

"Ready to tell me now what happened between you and your mother?", he asked softly. Meredith sighed and then told him everything. When she was finished Derek said "Wow."

"I know. I never thought that would ever happen either. What am I going to do now?", she asked.

"I can't tell you that, Mer. You have to decide what you want to do."

"Maybe I want to give her a chance...", she trailed off.

"That's okay. Do whatever you want. Just think about it."

"Mm, okay. Derek?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really terrified about the fact your mom's coming to visit us", she told him truthfully.

He smiled weakly at her. "It's going to be fine. I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, she's a really nice person. I'd almost say she likes everyone. I'll tell you more about her tomorrow okay? I think you should sleep now", he said noticing how her eyelids fluttered.

„Okay", Meredith giggled sleepily. "I love you", she said, already half asleep.

„I love you too", he said. "So much."

**That was by far my longest chapter ever. Thank you for reading! I appreciate it. And I'm really sorry about the quotation marks thing..Please review!**

**I normally don't do this but I want to have at least 5 reviews for this chapter!  
**


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